Can't Say A Word
by This Girl Maybe
Summary: And I feel like I'm falling through, you're not there to hold me up" AU story
1. Can't Say A Word

Title: Can't Say A Word  
  
Author: Anneka O'Carter  
  
Summary: "And I feel like I'm falling through, you're not there to hold me up."  
  
A/N: Feedback appreciated. First in the Stand By Me series...and totally, totally AU! Thanks to Christina, my beta who endured me drafting and redrafting this! But this series is dedicated to my good friend (and beta) Jenn - I'll always be here as long as you need me…and things will get better, I promise.  
  
*  
  
*  
  
*  
  
*So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do   
  
Face away and pretend that I'm not   
  
That's all I give 'cause you're all that I've got *  
  
"Faint" by Linkin Park  
  
*  
  
The couch was uncomfortable, bending her body into awkward positions and consequently, she couldn't turn her head to even look at the door that was ringing so insistently, which sounded freakily reminiscent of her alarm clock. Looking at the digital time-piece on the TV, she sighed. 8:53 on a school day and she hadn't even got dressed. Crap.   
  
Almost crawling to the door, she opened it expecting to see her father apologetically smiling and promising that "it'll be the last time" he forgets to ring. But instead she sees Major Carter and Major Davis standing on the porch in dress uniform.  
  
"Um, hi." She said rubbing her eyes with fisted hands. The sunlight is harsh on her vision and she has to squint to stop it hurting. They nod in response and she's wondering whether she's supposed to invite them in. "Uh, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not ready for school yet so do you want to tell me whatever you've come to tell me?"  
  
Major Carter, she forgets to call her Sam now, looks down at the floor uncomfortably and Major Davis remains silent but she's so tired she can't even think about what that might mean. "Thankyou Chloe." Major Carter finally answers and they follow her into the open plan living room and she offers them both a seat.  
  
"So, what is it then?" She asks nervously eyeing the clock and wondering whether it would be possible to kick these two out, get dressed and drive to school in seven minutes flat.   
  
"You're aware that your father had a mission last week?" Major Davis asked steadily, his voice expressing no emotion.  
  
"Uh, yes." She answers nonchalantly. She's got used to the regular Air Force visits. "He wasn't sure when he was going to get back. Why?" Chloe replied, still not understanding what the pair were doing sitting in her house without her dad right behind them.  
  
"Things didn't go quite to plan." Major Carter explained, nearing closer to Chloe. "We lost many good men- -"  
  
But Major Carter didn't finish her sentence as Chloe had already begun to piece together what happened. "No…Dad…he…Dad has to be OK. Please, *tell* me that he's OK?" She said forcefully.  
  
Major Davis looked down into his lap. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this but the Air Force are officially recognising your father as missing in action. No body has been recovered but it's highly unlikely he survived the attack. I'm very sorry Miss O'Neill."  
  
And two well-decorated, experienced officers sat in front of a teenager falling apart.  
  
*  
  
She sobbed uncontrollably in Jack's bedroom as people filtered in and out throughout the day with Daniel handling all the messages of condolences and during times when there were no visitors expressing their sadness, he sat outside the door. Just making sure she knew he was there.   
  
And he knew what she felt like. Her parents, like his, were now both dead. As far as he knew, her grandparents were either senile and in a home or deceased too. No aunts and uncles. No-one.  
  
Completely alone.  
  
And in her grief, Chloe couldn't see beyond the next hour, but Daniel still feeling the sorrow for his best friend's death, imagined the worst case scenario that reminded him of a conversation he had six years ago when Chloe arrived after Sara first died;  
  
*Jack looked towards the young sleeping girl and sighed and turned back towards his friend. "I see what you're saying Daniel, but there's nothing I can do about it." He replied rationally. "She's my daughter and I'm not having her go into a foster family or live with a third cousin twice removed."  
  
"You're never going to see her Jack." When his friend began to protest, Daniel talked over him. "You can't deny that, but if this is what you think Chloe needs, then far be it for me to say anything different."  
  
Jack looked sombrely at Daniel and took a small sip of his beer. "That girl has been through more in ten years than most people go through in a lifetime. I'm not handing her over to some nameless person because I think my career is more important than my own daughter." Pausing, he considered his words carefully. "In five years, I'm not sure I'll still be working at the base Daniel. I'm getting older and so's Chloe. I want to see her grow up and have kids instead of not being invited to her wedding because she grew to hate me..."*  
  
Daniel ran to the toilet and vomited into the toilet bowl. Chloe had lost everyone important in her life, her brother and her parents. The only thing Jack ever asked for was for Chloe to be looked after if he wasn't around to do it himself.   
  
But everyone had grown and gained themselves new lives with no space for an orphaned teenager.  
  
*  
  
She wasn't sure how long she'd been crying. It felt like weeks that she had been curled up on his bed, crying into the pillow that still smelt of him. And it was worse when she opened her eyes; seeing the family photos proudly displayed on his bedside table made her sob even harder.  
  
Her legs were weak as she lifted herself of his bed, wondering whether Daniel was still in the house pretending that he was actually worried about her when all he was doing was assuaging his guilt that he hadn't seen her in the last two months.  
  
She opened the door, half expecting his body to fall through but she was relieved that he'd moved from that particular spot. She was hoping that he'd left altogether; all he wanted to do was "talk" about her "feelings".  
  
Chloe was pretty sure that her feelings were obvious.  
  
Creeping down the stairs, she saw various cards on the table with sad wreaths on the front and sympathetic messages. Scanning the kitchen she saw a note from Daniel telling her that he was buying some groceries and he'd be back in an hour. Scrunching up the note, she chucked it into the bin and sat at the island at the middle of the kitchen.  
  
Her high school had been told of the situation and she was relieved that she could have as many absent days as was necessary; she'd need them to organise the funeral.  
  
Daniel and Major Carter would insist on helping, but *she* was the closest person to him, blood wise anyway, so didn't she have the right to organise what was going to happen?  
  
And as that train of thought ended, she noticed that she was ambling through the house and her feet had taken her to his office where he used to reluctantly finish paperwork and she'd often sit on the opposite side of the table, feet up and read magazines, both of them talking incessantly about nothing in particular.   
  
His laptop memory had been copied and then erased, just in case she decided to hack into her father's computer on the day she was told he died. Even she wasn't that weird…  
  
He'd always told her that…that she was weird. And she'd joked that she'd obviously inherited it from him; he denied it as much as was possible, but even he must have been certain that he was just slightly eccentric.  
  
And as memories flooded through her head, she slumped into the seat, remembering that he'd never sit and type furiously at the computer, or tell her the ending of a Simpsons episode that he'd seen three times already. He'd never cook her breakfast in the morning after she'd spent all night waiting for him to come home.  
  
He'd never tell her that she was the most important thing in his life.  
  
*  
  
She stood at the edge of the river, tears running freely down her face. Her chest heaved with pain but she still held the picture tightly in her hands, the force of her grip crumpling the edges.   
  
If he could have been here, he would have said that he didn't want anyone moping about him, much less her. He would've told her to go to a hockey match and try to live her life without him.  
  
But what did he know? He never knew the paralysing fear when the telephone rang as she sat on the couch, waiting for him to come home a day after he was due; waiting for the phone to ring, and desperately praying that it didn't. He didn't know that her mind was constantly fixed on him when he was at work, knowing that "deep space radar telemetry" was an excuse and a pathetic one at that and knowing that he was probably risking his life everyday.   
  
All she knew in that one moment in time was that standing in the deserted forest, saying goodbye to her dead father, was that her fears were warranted. She always knew one day he'd never come back.   
  
She took one last look at the picture she held, both their smiles beaming out and his arm loosely hanging round her shoulder. When she'd first moved to Colorado Springs after her mother had died from a heart attack, she never thought she'd be that happy. She never thought she'd smile again, but he brought her out of herself.   
  
The picture was of her 16th birthday party outside in their garden when he'd bought her driving lessons and a car, telling her *"I have enough money, I might as well spend it on someone who'll appreciate it and there's no-one more deserving of it than you…."* That smile was before he'd even given her the present, she was just happy that he was alive standing next to her on her birthday and being a regular father.  
  
She dropped the picture into the fast flowing river and watched as it floated past the rest of the attendees, her fierce gaze scorning those who were supposed to be helping her.   
  
They were so self-involved that they couldn't see she was falling apart. And they thought she didn't know, but she did. She'd be in foster care as soon as a family was found to take care of her.  
  
She wouldn't let that happen. She couldn't.  
  
And if his "friends" weren't going to help her, then she'd have to do it herself.  
  
*  
  
Days passed and turned into weeks and Samantha Carter, USAF sat in the car outside *the* house and waited. She wasn't sure what but she knew that she couldn't go in straight away; seeing Chloe torn apart was too hard for her to bear.   
  
So instead she stared at the house from the dark car, occasionally seeing Chloe's shadow move about behind the closed curtains, lying to Tim and pretending that she was at work when she was watching the daughter of the dead man she'd fallen in love with six years ago and hadn't stop wanting all those years.  
  
Finally gathering the courage to face Chloe, she walked slowly up the path, momentarily pausing to make sure that she had the words to face her. She hesitantly knocked on the door, a sudden rush of panic rising in her throat. She heard a slow plod of footsteps in the silent night and Chloe reaching to open the door.  
  
"Chloe." She said and noticed the fall in Chloe's red eyed face. She'd obviously been crying.  
  
"Major Carter." She responded plainly and Sam sighed.  
  
"You can call me Sam once in a while. I'm pretty certain it won't hurt you." She tried to joke, but Chloe was having none of it. Years ago, she'd never had imagined that she and Chloe would be so distant, but times change, and so do people.  
  
"I'd rather not." Chloe replied, her face expressing no emotion.  
  
After a moment of silence, Sam gestured towards inside the house. "Would it be alright if I came in?"  
  
Chloe wordlessly stood back and let Sam into the house and closed the door loudly behind her. She walked into the living room indecisively as she spotted the piles of photos adorning the coffee table and knowing that she had walked in on a very private moment for Chloe.  
  
"Sorry about the mess." Chloe commented flatly, saying the sentiment without meaning. It was obvious that Chloe wanted Sam nowhere near her.  
  
"You should have said…I wouldn't have come in." Sam replied, taking a seat nervously as Chloe sat on the floor cross legged and browsed through the photos.  
  
"Yes you would." Chloe replied. She knew that this fake concern that everyone had for her was just to ease their worries that they weren't "helping" her to cope with the grief. If they really wanted to understand, then they'd talk *with* her and not *to* her.  
  
Sam visibly swallowed and coughed uncomfortably. "How are you feeling?" She asked, desperately searching for something to say.  
  
"How do you think I'm feeling?" Chloe looked up with a venom that shocked Sam; she looked so bitter yet so despairing at the same time. "My father's dead, I'm not exactly having a raving party as you can see."  
  
"It was a stupid question, I'm sorry." Sam apologised feeling that nothing she said could make Chloe think less of her. Watching Chloe lovingly look through the photos and put them away in various albums, she felt so guilty. "Do you want any help?"  
  
Chloe looked up this time, a flicker of a smile passing on her lips. Looking her direct in the eyes, Chloe spoke quietly, "If you don't mind…" Suddenly Sam was throwing her a rope, trying to pull her out of the suffocating water.  
  
"I'd love to." Sam said enthusiastically and crawled onto the floor, taking a cushion with her to perch on. Sitting next to Chloe, the girl passed her some photos and showed the albums with her family's names on them and gave her intricate directions with what to do with them. Sam watched as she precisely tucked away the photos and knew that this was a diversionary tactic to avoid thinking about her father.  
  
A photo was passed over of a wet Chloe and Charlie hugging each other and holding a football in between them. "That's really nice." Sam commented and Chloe nodded, a look of long forgotten happiness passing over her face.  
  
"Yeah…I remember that day. Dad took some time off work and uh, he took me and Charlie to this water park. And he took that after we'd played with the ball in the swimming pool. I just followed Charlie around everywhere….he used to pretend to hate it, but I think he loved me worshipping him like that." Chloe said quietly, remembering when her life was so simple and cheerful.  
  
"I did the same to my brother…I think he secretly loved it too. Not that he'd admit it even now." Sam commented and she heard a small chuckle from Chloe.  
  
"If he's anything like you, he'd be too stubborn." Chloe muttered and Sam laughed.  
  
"Thanks very much(!)" Sam laughed and felt a surge of happiness when she saw Chloe smile too and edge nearer towards her becoming more open with just those few words.  
  
And Chloe picked up another photo and passed it over, "This is when dad decided that a green wig would be a really good look…"  
  
*  
  
They'd spent two hours sorting through the photos and Chloe had become increasingly relaxed around Sam, but still sticking to the name of "Major Carter", but if Sam was honest, she wasn't bothered, she just wanted to talk to Chloe after all this time.  
  
As Chloe explained another photo, Sam yawned and looked at her watch. Chloe's eyes flamed irrationally and she jumped up from the floor. "Keeping you from a date with *Tim*?" She spat angrily.  
  
Sam looked puzzled until she realised that Chloe must have witnessed her innocuously checking the time. "Chloe, all I wondered was what the time was…I wasn't suggesting I was bored…" Sam defended herself but to the hyper-sensitive Chloe, she'd already decided what Sam's intentions were.  
  
"I think you should leave." She said steadily, walking to the front door and opening it, a gush of cold air entering the house.  
  
"Chloe, can I just explain…?" Sam asked desperately and Chloe stood with an impassive look on her face.  
  
"I should have realised…" She spoke as calmly as possible. "I should have known that you were just here to get rid of your guilt and then disappear for another six months." Chloe seethed. "You're just like the rest of them."  
  
"What "rest of them", Chloe?" Sam asked, nearing closer to the door. "We all care about you, we're trying to help you."  
  
"Help? *Help*?" She stormed angrily. "If that's your kind of help, then I'd rather not have any at all."  
  
Sam looked down at the floor, the failures mounting up inside her head. "I'm sorry…"  
  
"I don't care whether you're sorry." Chloe spat. "You should have done something about it then….You told me my dad was dead and then just left!" She said, tears crawling out of her eyes. "I would have preferred a nameless soldier telling me over the phone rather than what you did!"  
  
"I'm sorry…"Sam started again.  
  
"You're *always* sorry, but that doesn't change anything. I thought I might have meant something to you, I thought you might have had an ounce of sympathy for me, but there was just nothing…. All I wanted was someone to tell me everything was gonna be OK." Chloe paused to catch her breath. "I think you should leave Major Carter. It's for the best."  
  
"Chloe, please…."  
  
"No!" She said angrily, and then calmed her voice. "No. If any of you cared *at all* then you would have visited me more than once, three weeks ago…now can you go? And I'd rather if you didn't come round again."  
  
Sam stepped wordlessly out of the door and into the cold night air. Walking down the path, she turned round but the door was already closed.  
  
On the other side, Chloe leaned against the door and slipped to the floor in tears.  
  
*  
  
Sam swirled the coffee round in her mug, refraining from taking a sip and Daniel knew that something was on her mind. Chloe most likely, he thought knowing that she was always popping into his mind and he just guiltily shoved all thoughts of her away.  
  
"Sam?" He called walking over to her table and Sam looked up, the faint smile on her lips never reaching her eyes.   
  
"Daniel." She greeted him and pulled her food towards her to make room for his tray. "How are you doing with that translation?" She asked but Daniel knew she didn't really care either way. Teal'c had obliquely mentioned something about an argument between the pair when he'd almost interrogated Sam about why Chloe was tearfully rejecting visitors.  
  
He spoke softly and about nothing in particular until he broke the drone of his own voice by asking her a question, "Are you going to tell me or do I have to wait until I pester Chloe enough?"  
  
Sam looked up to him with slightly watery eyes, "I never realised how much pain she was in Daniel. I knew that she was upset, but God, I just…I never saw."  
  
"What did she say to you?" He asked.  
  
"She said that she didn't want our help…and that…none of us helped her when she really needed it." Sam swallowed deeply, stopping the tears from escaping her tired eyes. "And I realised that she was right."  
  
Daniel looked guiltily into his food. "Sam, we're all grieving for Jack and…"  
  
"And nothing Daniel!" She said, struggling to stop her voice raising several decibels. "She's his *daughter* and we didn't do *anything*. And you know that if the roles were reversed, the Colonel would have done anything for one of our children to help them."  
  
"I tried…I really did." Daniel explained. "But it brought back everything, every feeling and every ounce of pain back. And I couldn't say a word."  
  
"I think we should do something for her." She said suddenly.  
  
"Like what?" Daniel asked, puzzled.  
  
"Maybe we could take her to the cabin or something…spend some proper time with her. Just you, me, Teal'c and her." Sam suggested and Daniel nodded.  
  
"It sounds good. Like a family remembrance." He replied. "You think Chloe would be OK with that?"  
  
"Would Chloe O'Neill be "OK" with what?" A voice behind them asked and Teal'c took a place at the table, both Sam and Daniel making space for his piled tray.   
  
"We were thinking about taking Chloe to the cabin….spending time with her…to try and make up for not being there for her these past weeks." Daniel explained and the Jaffa lowered his head.  
  
"I believe that it is a suitable idea but do you think that Chloe will give her permission?" Teal'c asked. "She is still grieving incredibly for the passing of O'Neill."  
  
"Maybe this will help her Teal'c. As far as I know, she hasn't talked to anyone about this has she?" Sam reasoned. "I think talking about what she's thinking might help her realise that we can understand what she's feeling too."  
  
But before her two friends could answer, an airwoman approached the table nervously. "Major Carter, there's a call waiting for you at the front desk."   
  
"Who is it?" She asked.  
  
"Um…" The airwoman looked down at the piece of paper in her hand. "It's the principal of Colorado Springs High School, ma'am. She's calling about Chloe O'Neill." The airwoman replied awkwardly, as like the rest of the base she knew that Chloe wasn't coping with Colonel O'Neill's death.  
  
Sam turned to Teal'c and Daniel with a frown. "What's that about?" Daniel asked with a concerned expression.  
  
"I'm going to have to go and find out." She left the mess hall and walked to the front desk.  
  
*  
  
Picking up the telephone, Sam introduced herself. "Major Carter speaking."  
  
An older woman spoke on the other end. "Hello Ms Carter, I'm Principal Yardley from Colorado Springs High School. I'm sorry to inconvenience you but I'm calling about Chloe O'Neill….you were a close friend of her father's, weren't you?"  
  
"Yes…um, how did you get this number?" Sam asked.  
  
"We searched Chloe's locker and this was the first number we found in the address book." Principal Yardley explained.  
  
"You searched Chloe's locker? Why on Earth did you do that?" Sam exclaimed.  
  
"I'm sorry Ms Carter but Chloe was very distant all day and during the 11:30-12:30 lesson, she walked out and we haven't seen her since." Principal Yardley explained. "And because of the news about her father, we weren't sure who to call and tell about what's happened."  
  
"Thankyou for ringing me." Sam blew a sigh of relief. She was grateful that they had searched her locker otherwise she wouldn't know that Chloe had run out of class until she tried to ring her about the proposed trip.  
  
"I'm sure that Chloe is alright." The principal said, "But with all the upset she's had to cope with in the past month we were more than concerned for her."  
  
"I'll make sure that she's OK and I'll telephone the school when I've found her." Sam reassured the principal.  
  
"I do hope she's feeling alright. Chloe's a very valued pupil at the school and she's doing so well." The principal said genuinely with a hint of sadness, "Anyway Ms Carter, I'll let you get on."  
  
"Thankyou Principal Yardley." Sam replied and they hung up.  
  
Walking hurriedly back to the mess hall she relayed the information to Teal'c and Daniel and assured them that she could look for Chloe alone; "If there's just one of us, we won't overwhelm her."  
  
Finally getting out of the base, she practically sprinted to her car and drove speedily to the O'Neill house in the suburbs.   
  
*  
  
A sudden rush of fear welled up when she noticed that Chloe's much loved car was missing from the drive but regardlessly Sam ran up to the door and was about to ring on the doorbell when she noticed that the door wasn't locked.  
  
Pulling the gun out of her holster, she walked hesitantly around the house, checking cupboards and rooms until she was sure the house was empty.   
  
Walking into the kitchen, she closed a half open window and looked to the kitchen table where a piece of paper was held down with a mug. Creeping over hesitantly, she ripped the paper away and a photo fell onto the floor.  
  
Kneeling down, she picked it up and read the writing on the back *"Dad and me, 16th birthday, West Ridge Forest"* and turned the photo over to look at the two faces staring out.  
  
It couldn't have been taken long ago as Chloe's hair was similar in length and she could tell it was summer because of all of the blooming flowers. Jack's arms encased Chloe's body and she couldn't have looked happier if she tried. Jack smiled towards the photographer, she presumed it was probably Teal'c because of his new-found love of cameras, and he looked blissfully happy.  
  
Sam always knew that Chloe was the spitting image of Colonel O'Neill but in this photo she could have sworn that she was his (much) younger twin. Her eyes and hair were as deeply brown as his, and her face was pale yet alive.  
  
She'd almost been carried away by looking at the photo until she felt the fluttering of the paper in her hands. Securing the photo underneath the mug, she read the hand-written note carefully.  
  
*Dear Sam, Murray and Daniel  
  
I can't believe I'm writing this; it seems like the ultimate cliché, doesn't it? And I know that Jack "I am morally opposed to clichés" O'Neill would hate his daughter using one, but he's not here to stop me, is he?   
  
I know I can't write how much you mean to me, because otherwise I wouldn't be doing this, but despite everything I've said and done, you three really are special to me. I hope you never change and that you don't forget me and that you'll tell you children about me and dad.  
  
I really hope so because someone should remember us.  
  
If dad was here now, he'd tell me I was being selfish and an utter idiot, but I just can't help myself. Everyone's leaving me now, and it's only a matter of time before you leave me too, so I'm abandoning you before you would have abandoned me. You're all adults and getting new lives, and I have no place in them.  
  
Dad was the only person that I could talk to without him judging me or looking at me and being disappointed with who I am and what I've become, and I've lost him now. And I miss my brother. And my mom. I miss all of them too much to live. It hurts me inside and I hope that you can understand what I feel.  
  
I'm so sorry, and I hope one day you can think of me without hate or anger, or disappointment. I pray that your lives will be happy and free of pain and that you can support your children the way my father did for me.  
  
I say goodbye with love and hope in my heart for your lives. Please never forget me.  
  
All my love forever and ever,  
  
Chloe*  
  
Sam stood in the kitchen, gasping for breath, her throat dry and parched. How could she not have seen what was now so obvious? Chloe was absolutely alone, the only family she had were dead. Where would she rather be?  
  
She had to stop her, save her. She had to finally do the right thing and stop Chloe making the worst mistake of her short life.  
  
And suddenly the picture laying underneath the mug caught her eye. The last time she had been truly happy with the Colonel, the last time she'd been carefree only worrying about her essay deadlines and what to watch on TV that night.  
  
And now, where her father's "final resting place" was.  
  
*  
  
The first thing she saw was the car. The distinctive blue Fifties convertible that the Colonel had spent a bomb on repairing, and the car that Chloe adored so much.  
  
She jumped out of the car and ran to the side of the bridge which she'd come across before entering the forest and when she saw the car, she'd pressed on the brakes and almost skidded to a halt.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she looked over the edge, not knowing what the hell to expect and praying that there was nothing at all and that she'd merely misinterpreted the blatant letter.  
  
There was a deafening silence as she watched the waters flow below on the jagged rocks below and she couldn't help but gag as she thought of what the devastated girl had decided to do.  
  
Then as if out of nowhere, a tiny voice spoke, "I'm here." Sam spun round at the speed of light to see Chloe standing as plain as day in front of her. Sam didn't care what Chloe thought as she grappled to hug the girl who stood freezing cold and motionless, not returning the embrace.  
  
"Jesus, I thought you'd…" Sam started but couldn't finish.  
  
"I was going to. I so badly wanted to." She said in that same quiet, tender voice as Sam manoeuvred Chloe to her warm car.  
  
"What stopped you?" Sam asked as she opened the door and sat Chloe down carefully in the passenger's seat.   
  
"I just kept thinking about dad…I just stood there and I saw his face…and…" She said, her teeth chattering in the blustery wind. "And I realised I was the last thing left of his life…and that I couldn't end his dream of this perfect family by taking the coward's way out and jumping from a bridge."  
  
Sam touched Chloe's pale, almost blue, hand. "You were right. This isn't what the Colonel wanted for you."  
  
"His name's Jack." She said, staring soulfully into Sam's eyes. "Why don't you call him that? He's dead y'know, he can't hear you."  
  
Sam looked away instantly, her eyes flashing with an emotion she wasn't ready to deal with. "This isn't about me and you know it."  
  
"Isn't it?" Chloe replied, surprisingly talkative after her brave choice only a few minutes ago. "Isn't this about you and your amazing inability to own up to your feelings about a man who died a month ago?"  
  
"I don't know what you mean…" Sam started the well worn excuse but Chloe had obviously had enough.  
  
"Of course you don't. I mean, you were just in love with the guy for the past six years, but of course, you have no idea what I'm talking about so what's the point discussing it, right?" She said sarcastically.  
  
"Chloe, you've obviously got a hold of the wrong end of the stick somehow." Sam replied as steadily as she could manage as she knelt in front of the freezing and stern teenager.  
  
"You know what? I can't think of any other reason why the hell you haven't come to see me." Chloe said, her tone of voice more sympathising than their bitter argument weeks ago.  
  
"What about Daniel and Murray?" Sam reasoned. "You blamed all of us that night"  
  
"Sam, I know what Daniel went through with his parents. I know that the grief of dad's death coupled with what happened to his own mom and dad probably made the situation ten times worse for him." Chloe explained. "And as much as I love Murray, he's not exactly a "hugs and cuddles" kind of guy." She smirked.  
  
And as Sam looked into the eyes of the only remaining O'Neill that she knew of, she saw all of the reasons why she couldn't help Chloe in the ways she needed most. "What?" Chloe asked the motionless Sam who just kept staring at her. "Sam, what's wrong?"  
  
"I look at you, and I see him." She said slowly and quietly, rising to full height and moving away to the bars of the bridge. "I look at your smile and the way that you talk and your eyes….and all I can see is him." Sam said, her eyes struggling to hold back the tears. "And I just know, that if I'd said something, anything…maybe he wouldn't have been there."  
  
"He'd have jumped through hoops to please you." Chloe said from behind Sam who turned round to face the girl.   
  
"Maybe if I'd have been less scared of the future and just opened my eyes for one goddamn second, if only I could have seen what was right in front of me." She looked out over the beautiful scene in front of her. "He could've retired…and I could have told him what he meant to me."  
  
"He knew." Chloe reassured the surprisingly vulnerable Air Force Major standing in front of her. "He always knew."  
  
Wiping her eyes, she spoke, "God, the one thing he would have wanted me to do was to protect you and I've done nothing." Sam gripped the rails making her knuckles whiten.  
  
"You're here now, aren't you?" Chloe said putting her hand over Sam's. "Protecting me."  
  
"You are so much like him." She said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Chloe's ear and taking her hand to walk towards the car. "He'd be so proud of you."  
  
"I'd like to think so." She joked but her face paled as she neared the car and Sam got out her keys to start the engine. "No." Chloe said plainly, backing away.  
  
"What?" Sam said, more than slightly confused.  
  
"I-I-I…I can't go back to *that* house." She protested, tugging her hand away but Sam held on too tight.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"My house…I can't spend another minute in there. It's so quiet and lonely…I can feel every second pass by, it's so painful." Chloe said, her brown eyes staring into Sam's mournfully. "Please don't take me back there."  
  
"How about if I come with you?"  
  
"Come back with me?" Chloe repeated.  
  
"Mmm. Get a take-out, get you in some warm clothes." She suggested and Chloe's face lit up.   
  
"I just can't be alone…it's too much." Chloe said shivering in the cold.  
  
"Well you wont be." Sam reassured her, "Cause I'm going to be there with you all the way."  
  
*  
  
"I can't do this." Chloe panicked wringing her hands and pacing up and down the small waiting area.   
  
"You'll be fine. She's just a principal, not a monster." Sam said and continued to read one of the magazines placed on the coffee table in front of her.  
  
"I *really* don't think I can do this." Chloe slumped down into the free chair. "I could barely tell you about what I was feeling, let alone Principal Yardley."  
  
"You don't have to tell her everything…you can tell her nothing. I just think you should make her aware of what troubles you're having at the moment so some teachers can make allowances when you need them." Sam explained rationally. "And I can't exactly go on my own, she'd wonder who the heck I was!"  
  
Chloe smiled and sat silently until Principal Yardley's secretary showed them through to the office.   
  
Taking a deep breath, Chloe knocked on the door. "Enter." She opened the door and the woman sitting at the desk rose and smiled.  
  
"Chloe. It's so nice to see you again." She said genuinely and step forward to shake her hand. "And this must be Ms Doctor-Major Carter….which do you prefer?" She asked smiling.  
  
"I'm not too fussed." She said with a smile and shook the offered hand and sat down on a chair opposite.  
  
"Well I'm glad that you're both here and I understand Chloe that it must be hard for you to speak to me, but it's best if I'm aware of all the information so that the faculty can make sure that you're not under too much pressure." Principal Yardley explained and Chloe smiled weakly.  
  
"Thankyou Miss." She said meekly.  
  
"Well Ms Carter, is it right you're applying for legal guardian status?" She asked, looking through a thick file on her desk.  
  
"Uh, yes that's right. I'm currently living with Chloe at her house on her request, but unfortunately I'm not at home 24/7 because of my work commitments." Sam explained and briefly touched Chloe's hand, "But I'm planning on being there as much as humanly possible."  
  
"I'm just glad Chloe's getting the support she needs from someone she loves." Principal Yardley said still browsing through pages of writing.  
  
"I love her very much, and I'm going to make sure that her life stays as normal as it can do." Sam smiled at Chloe.  
  
"Chloe, how do you feel about returning to school on Monday?" Principal Yardley asked.   
  
"That'd be great. I'm kinda getting bored at home but Sam's insisting I rest." Chloe rolled her eyes.  
  
"I think Ms Carter's right, but as long as she doesn't mind, then we'd love to have you back here on the 14th, if that's OK?" She looked towards Sam who nodded her agreement. "I think that's settled then. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?"  
  
Chloe stayed silent until Sam un-subtly coughed. "Uh, yes Miss Yardley. Um, Sam was wondering whether I could have an appointment with the school counsellor."  
  
Principal Yardley nodded and cleared her throat. "And you're fine with that?"  
  
Chloe's eyes flicked to Sam and then back to her Principal. "I'm not sure if it'll help but I might as well try it. Nothing to lose, is there?"  
  
*  
  
She could feel her mouth practically watering as Sam ordered the takeout over the phone but as much as she was loathed to admit it, her homework had to be done. And Sam insisted there was " no food until you've finished that pile of work."  
  
Such a slave driver.  
  
Sam wandered into the living room with a science journal and a glass of wine in hand and slumped onto the couch behind where Chloe was sitting on the floor at the coffee table. "Should be here in half an hour, you gonna be finished by then?" She said, affectionately rubbing Chloe's hair.  
  
"Mmm." Chloe replied and then turned round. "Sa-am?"  
  
"Yes?" She replied, her eyes still scanning a supposedly interesting article.  
  
"Where's that "Science for Dummies" book?" Chloe rested her elbows on Sam's knees. "It'd really help me with the homework."  
  
"You're supposed to do it without." Sam stopped reading and looked at Chloe with suspicious eyes, "You know that."  
  
"*Please*?" She said in her best puppy dog expression that always used to work amazingly well on her dad.  
  
Sam relented with a smile that suggested she knew exactly what Chloe's tactics were, but wasn't too bothered, "Fine. It's in my bedroom, first drawer in the cabinet." Sam gave instructions as Chloe started to climb the stairs, desperate to finish her chemistry homework and knowing that her notes were *definitely* not neat enough to be of any help.  
  
Pushing open the door of Sam's room, previously where the guests (or Daniel and Murray) stayed, she zoomed in towards the bedside cabinet loaded down with heavy text books and an array of astrophysics essays that would send Chloe to sleep in a second.  
  
Chloe opened the drawer carefully, praying that the book would be safely sitting in there, just ready for her to cheat on the homework. Breathing a sigh of relief as she saw the familiar yellow cover she grabbed it and was about to close the drawer when she noticed a heavy book underneath and out of pure curiosity sat down on Sam's bed, book in hand.  
  
She leafed through a few pages before turning to the cover with a horrified face. Chloe convinced herself to believe that this wasn't what she thought and she tried to allay her fears by looking through a few more pages, knowing that one title couldn't explain a whole book.  
  
But then the title had been pretty explicit.   
  
Taking a deep breath, Chloe was just about to put the book away and pretend that she'd never found it when she heard Sam's voice just outside the door, "Did you find the book? I thought it was in the-" She started but stopped immediately when she saw what was in Chloe's hands. "Oh."  
  
"Oh? *Oh*?" Chloe repeated. "Is that all you can say?"  
  
"I didn't mean for you to find it." Sam explained hurriedly.  
  
"Obviously not, because otherwise you wouldn't have bought it." Chloe sighed. "I can't *believe* you thought this would help….you know what, I can't believe you thought we even *needed* help."  
  
"We don't-" Sam tried desperately to account for the book that Chloe was now gesturing wildly with.  
  
"So why the *hell* did you have this?" Chloe flicked through the pages, "It looks pretty well read to me…and look, even some folded down corners. Pages of interest huh?"  
  
But Sam suddenly saw that she didn't have to apologise. She was trying to help Chloe, but she was so narrow minded she couldn't see past the fact that Sam hadn't told her that she'd bought some stupid book. "Why on Earth did you think I'd buy a book like this? I don't want to read it for fun, I want to help you."  
  
"Help? God, Sam…."Coping With Bereavement in Adolescents", I can't believe you'd buy into this." Chloe said frustratedly. "If you want to know what I'm feeling, why don't you talk to me?"  
  
"Because for a sixteen year old girl who I'm supposed to be looking after, you're pretty threatening." Sam quipped, raising a smile from Chloe who looked up with wide, deep brown, familiar eyes.  
  
"I don't mean to be, it's just….so much has happened to me Sam. And now it's like I can't even grieve for dad separately from Charlie and mom. It's as though because I spent years crying over my brother, that I should feel different because of dad. That it should be easier or something." Chloe explained flopping onto the bed and Sam perched on the end.   
  
"No-one thinks that." Sam tried to explain, "You know how much everyone wants to help. I thought we sorted this months ago."  
  
"I thought we did too. I thought we understood each other Sam." Chloe said. "For some odd reason, I had this notion that you could talk to me without worrying whether I was going to blow up in your face." Chloe paused, "Now I realise I was wrong."  
  
"This is exactly why I don't want to approach you with things." Sam explained, "Every time you talk about what's happened, you're angry, and I don't blame you. At all. I'm not discussing everything because I don't want you to be upset."  
  
Chloe's eyes burnt with fire, "Oh, I forgot. Denial. The Air Force way, huh? Just because you're not talking about it means it's not there." Standing up and throwing the book down on the bed, Chloe spoke calmly, in contrast to the raging argument they'd had almost four months ago, "I thought that everything you'd gone through, losing a man that you loved, would have made you realise that denial isn't exactly the best option." She stormed out of the bedroom and slammed the door, her last comment hitting her the hardest.  
  
Sam knew that teenage years were stressful and with the added grief of the Colonel's death, she knew Chloe was going through hell; she heard the teenager cry herself to sleep at night, only stopping when Sam would feel so guilty that she'd warm some milk and the pair would watch re-runs of Friends till the early hours.  
  
Sam knew how it was to live without a loved parent, feeling empty and distant from everyone and everything, wondering if you're ever going to smile again.  
  
All she wanted to know what how Chloe felt. But she knew.  
  
She felt alone.  
  
*  
  
The rain pelted onto the car and Sam kept the wipers going, peering through the growing condensation to find Chloe coming out of the school. Hundreds of similar looking teenagers passed, until the door opened and a suitably wet and irritable Chloe O'Neill jumped in the car.  
  
"Nice day?" Sam asked as Chloe belted up.  
  
"Fine." She answered flatly. The mood between them this morning over breakfast had been frosty, but Sam had hoped that Chloe would have calmed down but no such luck. Sam pulled out of the busy car park wordlessly and turned on the radio, needing some quiet music to fill the tense silence.  
  
As they pulled up to a busy junction, Sam glanced at Chloe whose head was leant against the car window, her long brunette hair falling over her shoulders and her alabaster skin only dulled by the wretched day. She looked like a mournful classical painting; all unexpressed sadness and disguised melancholy.  
  
Chloe obviously knew she was being watched and turned to face Sam, and she smiled slightly. Sam blew a tiny sigh of relief that almost drowned out the small voice, "I'm sorry."  
  
"Sorry? For what?" Sam asked, and then wondered if she'd actually heard Chloe speak at all.  
  
"For yesterday. About the book and what I said. I'm sorry." Chloe turned towards Sam again as she started to push down on the accelerator as the traffic moved.   
  
"I know that it's upsetting…I can't imagine how much. You shouldn't apologise for yesterday." Sam said, increasing the speed of the car as they left the junction behind. "It should be me saying sorry to you."  
  
"We were having a discussion today in sociology. About how hard it is to be a parent." Chloe paused, "And that's when I realised."  
  
"Realised what?" Sam asked, watching the road.  
  
"That you're a parent." She said meekly, "I got so tied up in what I was going through that I didn't realise you were being a mother to a teenager who isn't yours. And we talked about how you can never repay what your parents do for you; I know that I can never tell you how much everything you've done means to me. You saved me Sam, you saved me from myself and sacrificed responsibilities to look after me. I love you."  
  
Sam was quiet for a few seconds until Chloe saw Sam sniff, "You really shouldn't have told me this while we were driving. I can't see anything for these tears." She joked and Chloe raised a smile.  
  
"I just wish dad was here." She said slowly and Sam reassuringly put her hand on Chloe's knee.  
  
"I know."  
  
"I meant, I wish he was here. With us both. So that we could be a family together." She said, "You would've been so cool as parents together. My friends would have been so jealous."  
  
Chloe was sure she could see a tear travel down Sam's cheek. "I wish he was here too. More than you know." Sam said delicately, "And I think we would have made a pretty good family as well."  
  
She smiled with a happiness that Sam never expected, "We would have. But I think we make a damn good family just us two, don't you?"  
  
"Yeah. We do."  
  
*  
  
Chloe slumped onto the chair, sighing at the blurring words on the screen. Her history essay wasn't exactly flowing, and her brain was full of statistics and facts that she didn't need.  
  
Pressing a few random keys to at least pretend that she was doing something, Chloe looked at the phone, and wondered if it was working.  
  
Sam had promised to phone this morning, and she had done at 1:00AM in the morning, and with a sleepy voice reassured Chloe that she was fine but busy at work. Now it was 11 o'clock when Sam was supposed to ring again, just to confirm a time for parent's evening, and she was 2 hours late in calling.  
  
Chloe decided to concentrate on her essay, knowing that Sam would ring sooner or later, and she typed furiously, and read back over the words. They were not good. Not good at all. Angrily, she highlighted and deleted them. Checking the word count, she slammed her fist on the table. Only another 3,000 to go.  
  
And then she made a fatal mistake. She picked up the television guide lying on the computer table, and she glanced at the listings for something to do. And with the promise of tacky secrets being revealed on Jerry Springer, she jumped onto the couch.  
  
And then the doorbell rang. It was almost as if Sam knew she wasn't doing her homework. Something like a sixth sense. Chloe hated that.  
  
Keeping her eye on the Jerry Springer, she walked towards the door and opened it with a smile, expecting the familiar flash of blonde hair and optimistic smile.  
  
She didn't expect her supposedly dead father.  
  
*  
  
Congratulations! You've just finished reading my longest fanfiction EVER! I hope that you liked it and feedback would be appreciated.  
  
But if you're wondering what happens next, never fear; I've written a sequel called "A New Life" 


	2. A New Life

Title: A New Life  
  
Author: Anneka O'Carter  
  
Summary: Every person dies, but not everyone truly lives.  
  
A/N: You *need* to read "Can't Say A Word" before you read this, or you'll have no idea what's going on.  
  
*   
  
*"…You always really knew, I just want to be with you, and I'm in so deep…"*  
  
The Cranberries, Linger  
  
*  
  
Chloe stumbled back from the door, her breath catching in her throat, and her face paling with every passing second. He moved slowly into the porch, his feet hesitantly walking towards her, but she still retreated wordlessly further and further into the house.  
  
"Chloe…" He started to speak but she cut him off with a sob.  
  
"No…" She whispered with tears falling. "You're not him. I don't know who you are but you're *not* my father!" She said, her voice struggling to maintain a normal volume.  
  
"It's me kiddo." He said, his familiar nickname for her pulling at her heart. "I know that it's difficult-"  
  
"You're *not* Jack O'Neill." She said forcefully. "They… "She pointed an accusing finger at Major Davies and Sam standing uncomfortably at the door, "They told me my father was *dead*."  
  
"They thought I was." He explained, "But some locals saved me…they nursed me back to health."   
  
Chloe's lips trembled, half her mind convincing her that this was her father, and this moment was something she never thought she would experience, and the other half telling her that it was a terrible mistake, "I *can't* believe you. It's too hard." She explained tearfully, and she backed away as he made a move towards her.  
  
Relenting, Jack stopped dead, knowing that she needed time, "What can I do to convince you?" He protested desperately, and then an idea popped into his head, "You hate chocolate." He said suddenly with a renewed enthusiasm, "But you love chocolate cookie ice cream… You have insomnia and get up in the middle of the night and watch CNN for hours…. You pretend to be asleep so I don't force you to watch "boring" documentaries on the military…Your favourite sports team is the Knicks but only because you want to live in New York…" Jack continued as he saw a slight smile of recognition appear on his daughter's face, "You spend hours on the Internet chatting to Cassie thinking I don't know..."  
  
Chloe's face crumpled with emotion, those few sentences convincing her of something she so desperately wanted and she sprinted into her father's arms, grappling to hug him as tight as she could. "I missed you so much." She whispered into his ear. "So much."  
  
"I love you." He said, his arms still encircling her body. "I'm never going to leave you again."  
  
She pulled away from him with a tender smile. "You promise?"  
  
"Promise." He affirmed with an affectionate grin. He tugged on the ends of her hair tenderly, "It's grown…you look beautiful." He complimented her and she rolled her eyes.  
  
"Ya, I'm sure the red eyes and running nose look is really working for me." She joked and her face paled soberly, "Dad, things have changed here. Things have happened. Bad things…I-I-I tried to…." Chloe tried to explain before Jack silenced her.  
  
"We have all the time in the world for you to tell me." He reassured her as tears began to well at the thought of explaining her desperate actions on the bridge.  
  
"You look exactly the same….how do you feel?" Chloe asked realising that she hadn't even asked him that simple question, and that she'd been so concentrated on herself.  
  
"Relieved to be here with you. Physically, I'm good." He said, not wishing to elaborate.  
  
"Vague as ever." She quipped, and her gaze caught his eyes and they just looked at each other. "I never thought I'd see you again. I was so sad."  
  
"I can't imagine what you were going through, but I'm going to make it better." He assured her with a small grin.  
  
"You don't have to." Chloe replied. "You just being here is enough for me." She touched his shoulder gently, as if making sure that he was still there, "You've made everything better already."  
  
Jack smiled lightly, "Well, I have another idea how to start putting things right." He said cryptically.  
  
"What?" Chloe asked, her insatiable curiosity getting the better of her.  
  
Jack took a deep breath and his eyes briefly flicked over to Davies who was staring concentratedly at his shoe and Carter who was looking towards them with an almost sad smile.  
  
Of something she had for a few treasured months, and now had lost.  
  
"Are you trying to keep me in suspense?" Chloe complained, her voice rousing him from his musings.  
  
"I'm retiring." He said simply and Chloe's face was first one of happiness which then paled into unease. "What?" He asked, panicked by her reaction.  
  
"Dad…are you sure this is the right thing?" She asked. Chloe wanted him desperately to retire and spend his time with her, but she didn't want him to do it if he was reluctant or unsure.  
  
Jack considered the question for a short moment; should he stay with the Air Force risking his life every other day and put his daughter through hell, not seeing her from one week to the next? Or should he have a quiet, peaceful life with Chloe, alternating his time between his homes in Colorado and Minnesota and spending his time fishing and getting to know his daughter better?  
  
Tough choice.  
  
"I'm sure."  
  
*  
  
The kitchen was remarkably tidy, Chloe observed as she waited for the microwave to finish. She'd imagined that with almost all of the employees of the SGC in her front room, that there would be more than a few empty beer bottles and crisps strewn across the kitchen.  
  
Then, she thought with a wry smile, there was still a long night and early hours of the morning ahead. But everyone did have a reason for being on the happy side, and she more than most. It was merely two days after Jack's return yet they'd already relaxed back into a routine and become as close as ever. And the SGC'ers seemed as pleased as punch that their now ex-CO was "back from the dead" and he couldn't seem to shake off all the well-wishers.   
  
She was so caught up in the delirium of her father's return and the party currently spreading all over the house that she didn't see Sam entering the kitchen timidly and pouring herself a soda.  
  
"Hey." Chloe greeted her sorta quasi-parent-ish person. "Having a good time?"  
  
"Mmm." Sam smiled forcedly. "The Colonel's enjoying himself which is the main thing."  
  
Chloe didn't notice the sad smile that Sam had on her face until it was almost gone but she didn't dare comment; she knew how sensitive Sam would be on the subject. "I think he would preferred a quiet pizza round the TV or something, but George insisted…" Chloe trailed off, "Well all I'll say is you know what George is like when he gets something in his head."  
  
"Don't I just." Sam nodded uncomfortably, leaning against the counter. She seemed awkward yet unable to move from the spot. "And you're feeling OK?" She asked after a silent pause.  
  
"I'm great." Chloe assured, retrieving the mini pizzas from the microwave and arranging them decoratively on a plate. "I was kinda selfish about wanting to spend more time with my dad tonight, hence some childish glaring in his direction, but I know that he has a lot of friends who missed him too." Chloe looked up with a beaming smile, "And I'll get the rest of my life to spend time with the old guy anyway, so I figure what's the hurry?"  
  
Sam couldn't resist a smile, "Daniel and Murray are gonna leave the house tomorrow," She informed Chloe. All three had been staying round at the O'Neill house for the past two days, catching up and trying to get to grips with the fact that he was actually alive, "I'll start packing tomorrow too."  
  
Chloe's head snapped up with a look of horror, "What does that mean?"  
  
"Just that I'll be starting to move my stuff back to my apartment tomorrow, so you can spend more time with your dad." Sam said defensively, wondering why Chloe seemed to be growing more and more upset with the prospect.  
  
"You don't have to leave." Chloe protested, pushing the tortilla chips angrily into a pot resting in the middle of a plate decorated with dancing sombreros. "I don't *want* you to leave."  
  
"You know that it would be inappropriate for me to live with you. You've both got separate lives, and so have I." Sam said gently, not wanting to hurt her feelings.  
  
"But you don't understand!" Chloe protested hotly. "You *could* have lives together."  
  
"I don't think-" Sam started.  
  
"You *know* what dad feels. It's plain to everyone that he's crazy about you." Chloe said frankly, pouring chilli sauce from a small container into an even smaller one, "And you practically told me that you were in love with him. Don't fob me off with a stupid line about your feelings *changing* or whatever."  
  
Sam coughed uncomfortably, "It's not just about my feelings changing. It's about the Colonel's-" Chloe gave a tense cough, "I mean, *Jack's* feelings changing too."  
  
"How do you know? Have you *asked* him?" Chloe said tersely, "Have you even talked to him alone in the past few days?"  
  
Sam's eyes darted uncomfortably. Of course she'd talked to him…I mean, three words between the pair of them constitutes a conversation…doesn't it?  
  
"I have talked to him." Sam replied, "But do I really have to do *anything* about what I supposedly feel?"  
  
"So you're going to live a lie for the rest of your life because you were too scared to tell him that you're in love with him?" Chloe said and sighed. "That really is pathetic."  
  
"Hey!" Sam admonished the teenager.  
  
Chloe looked up apologetically, "Sorry…I know that you're older than me and you know better and I shouldn't interfere, but Sam…God, I meant everything I told you in the car last month. I love you like a mom and I want you to be happy. Preferably with my dad, but I can't make you love him if you don't. And I'm sorry. Again."  
  
Sam smiled affectionately and hugged her tightly, kissing her flowing hair, "I know and I love you too. More than you know. But you're gonna have to let me work this out for myself."  
  
Chloe nodded as they parted, "I know," She said as she moved towards the door, "Are you coming out?"  
  
"In a minute." Sam replied and gathered herself together as Chloe passed into the living room. Chloe's words hit her like a hurricane; *"I love you like a mom."*  
  
She wondered whether they were said haphazardly or if she really meant them, but with the laughs coming out of the living room, she knew she'd have to make an appearance before Chloe came back searching for her.  
  
But as Sam opened the door to at least a hundred SGC employees chatting and laughing loudly, her eyes glued towards Jack who was talking to Daniel and Janet and pulled Chloe towards him with his arm around her neck, Chloe just smiled happily and rolled her eyes gently.   
  
And Sam felt a maternal pang, just wanting to be a part of their picture postcard world, and she wondered if Chloe really was right.  
  
Did she really know better?  
  
*  
  
Dappled light shined into the bedroom, birds singing and all that self projection crap. But it didn't help a frustrated Chloe as she rubbed her eyes with a fisted hand and wondered how the hell the world was spinning so fast. Taking a quick glance at the clock, and groaning when she realised it was 7:30, she walked down the stairs coming face to face with Jack "I'm allergic to cleaning" O'Neill *dusting* of all things.  
  
"Morning kiddo." He said cheerily.  
  
Chloe's eyes widened, "Uh, hi." She walked down the last few steps hesitantly as if it were a hidden camera show. "Are you doing housework?"  
  
Jack looked up from dusting a much hated ornament with a proud smile, "Yes. Yes, I am."  
  
"Why?" She asked, almost sprinting to the kitchen for a glass of water to calm her scratchy throat.   
  
"Because I know how much you've worked to keep yourself afloat this past few months." He said kindly, "…And it was a *tip* down here, and I figured you'd be pretty crazy if I left it for you to tidy."  
  
Chloe smiled, "Got that right," Grabbing a glass, she filled it and turned on the radio to a low volume and then switched it back off; her head couldn't cope with anything louder than a few words at a time, "So where is everyone?"  
  
"Most went back at about 3AM this morning," He replied and Chloe gave a low whistle which he grinned at, "I hope that was a long time after you and Cassie finished gossiping upstairs."  
  
"Of *course* it was." She replied.  
  
"There's a few who passed out in my bedroom who left about half an hour ago and Carter and the guys are in the guest bedroom." Jack answered and moved onto a grotesque dancing woman that her grandmother thought Chloe would like. She appreciated the sentiment, but *damn* it was U-G-L-Y.  
  
"You mean her bedroom." Chloe replied without thinking and then realised what she'd said.  
  
"*Her bedroom*?" Jack repeated.  
  
"Uh, yeah." Chloe replied awkwardly, "She lived here for about three months to look after me, you know, the whole legal guardian thingy. She stayed in the guest bedroom."  
  
"Oh, right." He replied, equally uncomfortable. Looking down to the ground, he spoke quietly, "We're gonna have to help her move her stuff back to her apartment you know."  
  
Chloe gritted her teeth and *really* tried not to shout at him for being so blind, "Would it really be *so* bad for her to stay?"  
  
"Chloe-"  
  
"But just listen, OK? I'm not trying to force you into anything, I just want to make sure you're aware of all the facts before you make a rash decision."  
  
"*Facts*?"   
  
Chloe sighed, "Come on dad, I know you play the dumb-ass soldier act, but even you can't be this stupid…"  
  
"I'm not sure if I remember correctly but did you always go around insulting my intelligence?" Jack retorted, knowing that his daughter was more perceptive than he gave her credit for.  
  
"Only when you were being an idiot." She sniped back. "Dad, how long can you pretend?"  
  
"Pretend what?" He asked, tidying the magazines strewn across the table into a pile.   
  
"That you're not head over heels." Chloe said simply, "And frankly, if *I* can tell, then you must know."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked tersely.  
  
"Nothing. Stop trying to change the subject." Chloe replied, "Are you just going to *let* her leave?"  
  
"Who?" He asked with feigned nonchalance.  
  
"Sam!" She sighed.  
  
"I don't know what you mean. She's only going back to her apartment Chloe, not the other side of the planet."  
  
"For God's sake, you're both as bad as each other." Chloe muttered under her breath, and stood in front of Jack with a forceful stare, "You should talk to her, she missed you like anything."  
  
"Look, even if there was anything between us, which there *isn't*, it would be highly inappropriate." Jack reasoned under Chloe's glare.  
  
"Why? You have retired if you remember."   
  
"She has her boyfriend; Tim or whatever he calls himself." Jack said, trying not to gag when he said the name.  
  
Chloe gave a superior smile that worried Jack, "She broke up with him after she moved in with me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"She said it was a choice between Tim and me. She chose to look after me." Chloe explained and adding with fake indifference, "She said she didn't have any real feelings for him anyway."  
  
"Well, whatever makes her happy." Jack responded and Chloe sighed internally so she tried her last argument in the faint hope to make him see what he could have.  
  
"Dad, I like to think I know you better than most people but I see your face light up when she walks in the room, and I can see in your eyes something that's so powerful, something that's so rare to find," Chloe paused, "Imagine what you could have if you just *talked* to her, you could have everything you wanted since you first met her."  
  
Jack kept silent, his daughter's words ringing true, "I'm gonna go out for a drive," He said and handed her the duster, "You gonna be OK with making breakfast for the guys?"  
  
Chloe smiled, knowing that her little speech had affected him, "Sure. I'll drive Murray and Daniel back if you're out for a while."  
  
Jack nodded wordlessly, gathered his keys and walked out to the car in a philosophical daze. Chloe hoped what she said had worked. They had to see.  
  
Didn't they?  
  
*  
  
"This episode is most amusing." Teal'c said as the Friends credits came up on screen and Chloe nodded in agreement. She just turned up the volume when Daniel and Sam made an appearance coming down the stairs. "You two OK?"  
  
They both nodded silently in affirmation, "Have you made any breakfast?" Daniel asked scratching his head, both of them looking a little worse for wear.  
  
"Yep," Chloe replied jumping up from the couch and walking to the kitchen, "There's toast, bacon, eggs, pancakes and coffee." She said, pointing to all the items on the table, "Me and Murray have already had ours."  
  
"Where's Jack?" Daniel asked  
  
"Out. Went for a drive." Chloe answered and poured two cups of coffee and retrieved the milk, "I think he's head's still a bit weird after everything that's happened."  
  
"Mmm." Daniel mumbled, "God this is lovely." He said enthusiastically as he ate some freshly cooked bacon.  
  
"Thankyou." Chloe said and walked over to Sam who was grabbing a paper, "Are you going to talk to him?"  
  
"Who? Daniel?" She asked.  
  
"No! Dad….are you going to talk to him?"  
  
Sam looked down, "I don't know. Everything's so complicated."  
  
Chloe sighed, "It doesn't have to be."  
  
"I can't make him fall in love with me." Sam said honestly, fiddling with the edge of the paper.  
  
"You don't have to. He's already crazy about you." Chloe smiled, "Will you talk to him? For me?"  
  
Sam swallowed hard, "I'll try." She tried to say it with conviction, but Chloe had no idea how hard it was; she couldn't even admit her feelings to herself, let alone to *him* of all people.  
  
*  
  
The sky darkened, and Chloe's eyelids drooped as the pressure of the past few hectic days took it's toll and she started to doze in front of the telly, conveniently hindering the moving of Sam's belongings back to her apartment, and making sure Sam had to stay for another night at the Hotel O'Neill.  
  
Jack smiled dopily at his daughter whose eyelids flittered as she dreamt. He couldn't express his happiness to see her again, but he knew there was something she was holding back. He couldn't help remembering the words she had spilled out on his arrival, *"Things have happened. Bad things…I-I-I tried to…"*  
  
He'd been so overwhelmed with seeing her and his friends again that he'd forgotten her sad words, but now they kept him awake as he wondered what had happened in his absence.  
  
"She looks tired." He heard Sam's voice behind him and he smiled internally. Her presence made him feel instantly invigorated.  
  
"She's been through a lot." Jack replied and turned to face his former 2IC. "When I came back, she mentioned that things had changed…that she had done something."  
  
Sam looked down at her feet awkwardly, "I'm not really sure what you're talking about."  
  
"Carter I can tell when you're lying a mile away." He said abruptly, "She's my daughter, don't I have the right to know what went on?"  
  
Sam looked up with renewed strength, "It's not my place to tell you. She'll tell you in her own time."  
  
"Carter, don't you get it? If you don't tell me, I'll never find out. You must know her well enough to know that she'll never talk to me." He reasoned, knowing that Chloe had always been fiercely secretive, some of which she'd probably learned from him and his Secret Ops days.  
  
"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you something which is very private to her," Sam replied, "I'm not going to betray her confidence."  
  
Before Jack could reply, Chloe stirred in her sleep and gradually opened her eyes and had an instant "what the hell are you two doing?" look.  
  
"Are you two practising for the school photo or something?" She asked, referring to their fake smiles.  
  
"What?" Sam asked.  
  
Chloe smiled, "Nothing." She rose from the couch, stretching her arms, "I think I'm gonna say g'night."  
  
"That tired?" Jack asked.  
  
"Mmm. Maybe it's something to do with yesterday's all night party, but who knows?" Chloe joked and walked towards the stairs, "I promise tomorrow I'll help Sam pack up her stuff."   
  
"Not going to fall asleep again?" Sam asked.  
  
"I'll try not to." She yawned and walked up the stairs, "Night."  
  
"Night." They called in unison and stood at the bottom of the stairs together.  
  
"Fancy a coffee?" Jack asked after a moment's silence and Sam nodded in agreement.  
  
"That'd be nice, thanks." She moved over to the living room as Jack walked into the kitchen and she sat down awkwardly on the couch. She'd become so relaxed in this house when she'd been living with Chloe, and now she felt like the complete stranger she had been only four months earlier.  
  
He came back a few minutes later armed with two coffees and sat down opposite her, cradling his mug in his hands.  
  
She couldn't help but flicker her gaze towards him, and after a few minutes of sitting in silence with the occasional slurp of coffee, she looked again at him and she met his own fierce stare at her. As much as she knew she should pull her eyes away, she couldn't help it; she felt glued to him.  
  
"Uh…how are you feeling?" She asked, looking into her coffee and trying to avoid his eye line.  
  
Jack coughed tensely, "Fine…Glad to be home y'know."  
  
Sam nodded wordlessly, "Chloe's thrilled to have you back home. She was so devastated. She missed you a lot." Sam paused, considering her words, "We all did."  
  
Jack looked up to Sam to see her amazing blue eyes become even bluer, and in them he saw honesty and an emotion that he was so overwhelmed by, he could hardly speak, "Does that include you?" He rasped unintentionally.  
  
Sam searched his eyes for some feeling, something that reflected the depths of what she felt about him. And to her surprise, she found it. A strong, dazzling love that she had only hoped that he possessed, "Yeah."  
  
*  
  
Chloe pulled the tee shirt further down her body, and walked into the hallway briefly checking her appearance in the mirror before she had breakfast. Thankfully she wasn't feeling as tired as she had the day before; the long sleep she had was definitely reinvigorating her.  
  
Rubbing her eyes as she stumbled down the stairs clumsily, she smiled as she saw her dad pour two glasses of orange juice with his back to her.  
  
"Thanks dad," Chloe smiled as she hugged him from behind and grabbed a glass.  
  
"Oh, uh, hi." Jack greeted her and she sat opposite him on the island in the middle of the kitchen, "You're up early."  
  
"I went to bed early," Chloe countered and briefly glanced at yesterday's paper, "Dad, is it OK if I invite Cassie over to watch some movies?"  
  
Jack smiled faintly, "Uh, sure."  
  
"Great!" Chloe replied and turned round to grab some toast.  
  
Then suddenly, a soft happy voice spoke from the stairs, "I wondered where you'd-", not noticing Chloe's presence until she turned round with a satisfied smile, "…got to."  
  
Chloe could barely conceal her enormous grin, "Sam." She replied covering her grinning mouth with her hand, "Have a good sleep?…In my dad's shirt?"  
  
Sam walked down the last few steps of the stairs, pulling down the pale blue button shirt she was wearing which had been quickly torn off the night before, "Um…I…"  
  
Chloe interrupted, "Save yourself any further embarrassment…I'm old enough to understand," She said with a broad grin that looked like she was about to snap her face in two. Turning to her flushing father, she smiled even further, "Uh…y'know I think I'm gonna go shopping with Cassie instead."  
  
"I thought you were watchin' movies." Jack replied, trying to take his eyes off Sam who was not-so innocently licking her finger of butter as she ate some toast.   
  
"I think someone needs the house more than I do." She said, patting his arm like it were a dog, "And how can we gush over this when we're in the same house as you? That's just plain mean" Jack was about to protest when Chloe spoke over him, "Don't even ask me to keep this a secret…I just won't be able to keep it in." Her eyes widened with a promising idea, "You know what, I think I'm gonna ring her now."  
  
"Chloe…" Jack complained.  
  
"Dad, I totally set you two up. What do you expect me to do? This is my first of many matchmaking successes." She grinned, "Next on my list is Janet and Daniel."  
  
"Oh, that's something I'd pay to see." Sam smiled.  
  
"Tell me about it. I think I'll be selling tickets to that one." Chloe laughed, "I'm gonna go get changed." She walked towards the stairs, "Oh, and by the way, I think this is totally great."  
  
"I think we got that." Jack replied and ushered her upstairs.  
  
"They're gonna be talking about this forever…." Chloe shouted back down the stairs, "The whole of the SGC!" She taunted and Jack shook his head.  
  
"You OK?" He said, laying his hand on Sam's back.  
  
But when she turned around, her blue eyes blazing with a happiness he never could have hoped to see and a smile the size of America, he knew he didn't need an answer.  
  
*  
  
Chloe laughed as she saw Cassie hound the party-goers with her new camcorder which had become the bane of Chloe's life; Cassie had insisted that she should follow Chloe around for a whole day, annoying the hell out of her and everybody else with her totally outrageous commentary, which included her insensitive comments toward a woman who, admittedly, definitely shouldn't have been shopping in Hot Topic.  
  
Cassie wormed her way through the crowds, telling her mom that if she got *"any closer to Daniel, you'd be sitting on top of him"* which caused Chloe to smother a snigger and try to look the other way while her eyes watered and Janet blushed next to a smiling Daniel who was looking a little too pleased with himself.  
  
Finally after harassing most of the crowd, she walked over to Chloe who was standing with her dad, Sam and Teal'c.  
  
"This…" Cassie started to give her commentary to any prospective viewers, "…is my best friend Chloe, yes that's right, she does have a slightly eccentric taste in clothes…" which caused her friend to pout towards the camera, before Cassie moved it away to focus on Jack and Sam, "…and this is Jack, Chloe's dad. He's retired from the Air Force and now he spends his time fishing… " Cassie then focused in on Sam whose waist he had his arm around and she moved the camera down to Sam's slightly bulging, pregnant stomach, "..and doing other things."   
  
Chloe laughed in the background and Sam went redder and redder as the camera went back to her face, "This blushing woman here is Jack's wife, Sam who used to be under his command in the Air Force. She's Chloe's step mother and when they spend time together they like to max out Jack's credit card."  
  
Chloe stepped in front of the camera, stopping any further embarrassment of her parents. "And this is Cassie not being annoying."  
  
And the screen went black.  
  
"*Thank you*" Sam said enthused to Chloe who grinned.  
  
"I'm not the one who decided that a camcorder would be a good idea," She reminded them with a superior smile, "Because I *know* what she's like."  
  
And as the chatter went on around her, Chloe watched the people that she loved, relax together, forgetting what had happened in the past and revelling in the future. Two years ago, she would never have imagined that she'd be spending her birthday with her father and his wife…it was more than she could have ever hoped for.  
  
This new life was well worth the wait.  
  
*  
  
I hope you liked the story and I appreciate all feedback.   
  
There's a sequel to this, with a totally different story line and it's called "Blood Connections", coming to a computer screen near you….. 


	3. Blood Connections

Title: Blood Connections  
  
Summary: He should have known that sooner or later his idyllic world would collapse into rubble.  
  
A/N: Forgive the blatant plot-taking and quote stealing (guess where from!)… ; ) You'll know once you've read it! Thanks to my beta Christina *hugs and kisses*.  
  
*  
  
"Will you come home and stop this pain tonight?"  
  
Blink 182, I Miss You  
  
*  
  
If it's one thing that she learnt from her father, it was to trust her instincts. He'd told her that since she was young, making sure that she knew enough to defend herself in the big bad world of adults. Yep, she was always supposed to trust her instincts, "cause usually they're right" he'd say, sitting in his favourite chair, departing his wisdom as she looked up at him with the adoration that an enamoured daughter had for her frequently absent, yet exciting father.  
  
But she didn't. She didn't turn to look round when she heard the heavy footsteps on the tarmac behind her. She didn't even glance as the man walked up behind her so close that she could feel his breath on the back of her neck. Because Chloe O'Neill wasn't a girl to confront someone, stutter and flush furiously maybe, but confronting someone was her worst nightmare.  
  
Until now. Until she turned round and came face to face with a man she vaguely recognised. That she didn't completely remember until the blue volt of electricity hit her and the whole world faded to black.  
  
*  
  
He should have known that sooner or later his idyllic world would collapse into rubble. To be honest, he was amazed it had lasted this long. Throughout their "dating" period, he'd been petrified that Sam would be ordered to break up with him or that she would decide that a 47-year-old retiree with a sixteen-year-old daughter wasn't the best chance for a happy future. And when Ella was due, he'd fussed over Sam 24/7, and consequently freaked her out by saying that he could feel something was going to go wrong. But he'd forgotten. He'd forgotten all his worries and started living his life.   
  
He'd become the stereotypical over-protective father that Chloe had surprisingly revelled in, and become a husband and a father to a baby girl that he was sure he was going to drop and break into tiny, little pieces. But he'd never suspected this. Not now. Not as Chloe was planning college applications and trying to decide a future career and being supremely annoyed when her test results came back with "Air Force officer."  
  
He'd always known that his refusal to co-operate with the less than legal NID operations would come back and bite him in the ass, but he didn't think even they would stoop that low. Of course, he couldn't outright accuse them of kidnapping his daughter, but he knew. He just had to wait as forensics slowly came back from the school car park where Chloe was last seen walking into, and as detectives asked him whether Chloe was "depressed or considering running away from home?"   
  
He felt like shouting to them that if he'd known she was going to run away then he wouldn't have let her go out. But he didn't. So he sat on his couch with Sam who was rocking herself slowly and becoming paler and paler by the second.  
  
Ella had been escorted to the Fraiser's, Sam hoping that at least one of them was going to have a semblance of a normal life until Chloe was brought home. Sam knew Jack's suspicions on the NID, and she knew them well enough to know that they wouldn't care about a teenager's life, especially that of the troublesome Colonel O'Neill's daughter. But she couldn't help wondering why they'd taken her. Why now? After all this time?  
  
And as she began to question herself more and more, she wondered if it really was the NID. Maybe it was someone far more dangerous than that. Someone who had no motive, who had no reason…someone who would never return her alive.  
  
*  
  
Everything was fuzzy in Chloe's world as she opened her eyes. Clutching her head, she felt herself almost swoon back to the ground. But she made a conscious effort to stay awake, trying to assess exactly where she was. The last thing she could remember was searching for her car keys in her bag and then black.  
  
Sitting up, she pressed herself against a wall as if to make herself less conspicuous. Maybe she passed out, and someone saved her from freezing to death. Knowing she didn't have the effort to stand up, let alone walk, she remained where she was with the faint hope that she'd regain strength but just as she was about to flex her legs, the door swung open letting in some dim moonlight from outside.  
  
A black figure walked in and Chloe offered her hand, "Um, uh, thank you for helping me," but her hand was swatted back down with an intense force. "Ow!" She screamed as her head hit the back of the wall violently as the cloaked figure pushed her repeatedly against the side.  
  
"Don't talk again." The voice said gravely and let Chloe's head go. Cradling it in her hands, she sobbed quietly as she felt her legs being bound together. "Just so you can't go anywhere." The man boasted and pushed her legs aside, reaching for some shackles on the wall where he locked Chloe to the wall.  
  
"Please!" She pleaded desperately, not knowing what to do or how to act, "Please, I'll do whatever you want…."  
  
"Oh, you will." The man replied smugly, and Chloe could almost sense that he was smiling behind his balaclava. "Or I'll kill you. OK?"  
  
*  
  
Maybe days had passed as Chloe came round and back to consciousness, she wasn't sure. But it was day, that was for sure, as light streamed into the derelict warehouse. As far as she could remember, her captor hadn't returned and she smiled to herself as much as she could, knowing that while he was away, she had a better chance of escaping.  
  
But as she pulled her arms fiercely from the wall, desperate to release her hands from the cuffs, she knew she had little hope of being released. So instead, as she drifted in and out of sleep, she could almost imagine being back at home.   
  
Her attention fell when she heard two voices just outside the entrance, laughing together, unaware of her desperation inside.  
  
"Help!" She shouted, "Please, help me!" She continued screaming until the door opened and she breathed a sigh of relief until she noticed the face. "Robert?" She queried, not believing her eyes.  
  
But her captor ignored her questions and turned to his companion, "See Chris? I told you I'd get her."  
  
Chris smiled happily, "You did well dude. Seriously didn't think you had the bottle." He admitted as they neared closer and closer to Chloe, completely ignoring her fearful expression.  
  
"Chris my boy, for a million dollars, I'd kill her!" Robert laughed nudging his grinning friend with his shoulder.  
  
"I wouldn't say no to that." Chris replied and fell silent as they stood directly in front of Chloe. Kneeling down, he had a look of something that even Chloe couldn't decipher. "Now, how's our pretty little captive doing?" He said, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear and cleaned some mud from her grimy face.  
  
Chloe instinctively spat in his face, venom piercing her voice, "I knew you were both assholes, but I didn't know you were *psychotic* assholes!" She spat as Chris rose to face the smiling Robert.  
  
Robert tried his luck this time, trying to placate their victim, "We're not psychotic Chloe. We're just getting some money that's all."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"We were offered a million dollars to kidnap you." Chris said smarmily. "And I wouldn't be surprised if it was your parents that want you kidnapped if you act like this around them."  
  
"You've done this for money?" She screamed at them, "I have Science with you two pieces of crap, and one day you kidnap me to get some money? Do you have any idea who's doing this? What they could do to me?"  
  
"Ya see, I won't care O'Neill." Chris smiled, "Cos I'll be on the other side of the world tanning myself with a few beautiful women at my side. They can do all they like to you."  
  
Chloe refused to look at them, her eyes burning with hatred and anger that she couldn't express. Two jocks decide to kidnap her for money? It sounded like a plot from a bad soap opera…her whole *life* sounded like a plot from a bad soap opera.  
  
"Aw….Is Chloe getting angry with us?" Robert hissed and kicked her in the side causing her to scream, "You deserve this."  
  
"For what?" She spat, "For being a decent person? For not laughing when you decide to bully someone? Yeah, you know what, I really *do* deserve being kidnapped."  
  
"You're a patronising bitch, that's what. Just because daddy's an Air Force Colonel doesn't mean you can treat people like something you stepped in." Robert accused her, "Where's daddy now?" He laughed with Chris, and gave each other high-fives. Waving goodbye to her, they started to walk towards the door before Chloe shouted to them.  
  
"I hope that when you hand me over or whatever you sick freaks are going to do, that they shoot you both!"  
  
*  
  
Jack hadn't slept. For three days. He'd sat stroking Sam's hair as her head lay on his lap, and she drifted into sleep, if somewhat fitful. Neither wanted to be apart from each other, and Jack had an insatiable need to have Ella with him, but he knew seeing his daughter, that Chloe adored, would tear him apart. So he sat watching his wife stir in her sleep, murmuring words that he couldn't hear, and dreaming a nightmare he couldn't begin to cope with.  
  
He'd never felt so despondent as he did at this moment, Charlie's death had pulled him apart and threatened to never put him back together again. But he'd had his shining light, Chloe at eight years old had kept him alive. Now, his perfect life was crumbling and Chloe was the first brick to fall. The pain he felt from Charlie's death re-emerged and the hopelessness that he couldn't remove from his mind taunted him; he couldn't help his daughter, no-one could.  
  
Occasionally he could hear the detectives voices from the kitchen, discussing theories and suspects, but that was no relief. Nothing was. Nothing could stop the desperation and disgust he felt at himself for letting it happen to her. Chloe had been through enough in her seventeen years, she didn't deserve this.  
  
Sam stirred and she gradually opened her eyes, and looked up to Jack's grief-ridden face, "I'd hoped it was a dream."  
  
"So did I." He replied honestly, his eyes darkening with every passing second. Sam rose from the couch and held out her hand to him, tears welling in her eyes.  
  
"Will you come to bed with me?" She asked softly, her voice barely piercing the silent atmosphere surrounding them. Jack knew she was making an effort to help his grieving, and he smiled lightly, thankful for her attempt.  
  
He held her hand in his hand, and they walked the stairs in silence, the stairs creaking and the door closing quietly behind them.  
  
They made love in their dark bedroom, soulfully with quietened expressions of love as they found their release, finding solace from their hellish reality in each other's arms.  
  
*  
  
Chloe sat nervously, biting her lip and salty tears streaming down her face. She rocked her body slowly as if somehow it released her. She knew she was delirious, she'd spent half the night imagining that Sam was sitting in front of her reciting the laws of physics and telling her the best way to put Ella to sleep.  
  
And when she'd awoken from her fantasy land, she'd cried herself to sleep, in her heart knowing that she'd never see them again. It was so painful to see them as clear as day standing in front of her, her perfect family and to then disappear was like someone cutting out her heart and stamping on it repeatedly.  
  
She knew the "hand over" as Chris and Robert joked, was today. Today she would be given to some madman that was even more psychotic than them. She wondered how the hell two people could get so screwed up by society as to get paid a million dollars to kidnap a classmate; but then she realised she shouldn't really have any sympathy for them, seeing as they got her into the situation in the first place.  
  
She could hear a car pull up outside with the engine still running, it didn't sound like the old junky thing that Chris and Robert had bought; she'd come to recognise the sound over the past week, and it definitely wasn't them. And as she heard the boots impact on the gravel loudly outside, she said prayers to any Gods that were listening, praying that her family would be safe, and that they'd live on happily.  
  
The door swung open, exposing her to the harsh daylight outside and she winced; she'd spent the best part of a week inside the darkness and it was hard to adjust. A figure came towards her, she couldn't make out his face, but she knew it was a man; the confident swagger, and the rough voice told her as much.  
  
The light from outside disguised his face and he bent down, unlocking her hands and her legs, and violently bringing her to stand up. He pushed her in front of him and all the way to the white van outside with a masked driver sitting in front wordlessly. The back was open and she was forced inside onto the floor with a few rags to cushion her on the drive to God knows where. Before the van doors closed behind her, she made a desperate plea to her new captor, "Please!" She shouted, "Please let me go!"  
  
"I don't think so." Came the reply. "They won't want you back if they knew."  
  
Chloe frowned, "What? Know what?" She appealed frustratedly, but her questions were not answered and the door slammed and the engine started up.  
  
In her desperation, she threw her body against the side, and let the tears fall freely.  
  
*  
  
"Can you think of anyone who had an unhealthy interest in your daughter?" The detective asked, and Jack gritted his teeth.  
  
"I've told you already. Chloe had never told me or Sam about anything like that." He replied gruffly, "Shouldn't you be out doing something useful? Like, oh, I don't know, looking for her?"  
  
The detective sighed, "Mr O'Neill, we're trying to ascertain who might have been a risk to Chloe."  
  
But Jack didn't hear the long explanation for the questions he was being asked, he was just looking at his wife who was staring out of the window. He knew she was crying, he could see her wipe her eyes and just gaze out of the window as if by looking hard enough, Chloe would come back to them.  
  
Sam sat on the window seat, Ella gurgling happily next to her mother, unaware of the commotion going on around her. Jack could hear Cassie being questioned in the next room, and her occasional sobs as she tried to think of people that Chloe knew, or whether she was secretly dating anyone.  
  
And as time passed, Jack's belief that the NID were behind this faded and even more sinister ideas sprung into his mind.   
  
"Uh, Mr O'Neill?" The detective interrupted.  
  
"What?" Jack replied curtly.  
  
"I asked you whether Chloe was prone to going out late at night? To night clubs or discos?" He repeated. Under normal circumstances, he would have been annoyed with the man's daydreaming, but it was highly likely Mr O'Neill's daughter had been kidnapped, and she'd been missing for a week now; the most possible scenario, and the most horrific, was that she was already dead and this whole investigation was a waste of time. And he suspected that Mr O'Neill already knew that.  
  
"No. She stayed at home. She wasn't exactly a sociable person." He replied, finally dragging his attention away from Sam.  
  
"But she was close friends with former colleagues from your base?" The detective asked.  
  
Jack looked up with an accusing glance, "What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Could you just answer the question please Mr O'Neill?" Detective Gates persisted.  
  
"Yes, OK? She was close friends with them, they're like brothers to her." He replied tersely. He knew that his love for Chloe was matched only by his team's.  
  
"This would be Daniel Jackson and…who?" Detective Gates asked.  
  
"Murray." Jack said sternly. "He's not from this country. He's worked for the Air Force for six years though, so I'd say he was a pretty trustworthy guy, especially where Chloe is concerned."  
  
"We're going to have to talk to them too, I hope you understand." The detective explained. "And I'd like to ask your wife some questions too."  
  
Jack's eyes flamed, "Can't you see how bad she's taking this?"  
  
"I know it's hard…"  
  
"No!" Jack protested, rising from the couch, "You have no idea *at all* how hard this is! Now, I'd like you to get back to doing your job of finding my daughter, so I can be with my wife, and try and help each other through this."  
  
Jack walked over to Sam who briefly looked round at him. As he approached he placed his hand on her shoulder, and she put her own over his. He sat behind her and they waited for their daughter to come home.  
  
*  
  
The ride was long and hard, and Chloe had no idea how far she'd been driven or where the heck she was. But the drive was a breeze compared to the place she was being held. It reminded her of a psychiatric unit, all white and clinically clean. One bed was in the middle, which she was currently strapped to.  
  
She'd somehow fallen asleep or possibly been drugged and changed into some green scrubs. Chloe refused to think about what might have taken place in the time she was unconscious. Instead, she focused on trying to get herself out, even though she hadn't seen her captors for hours now. The sky was still bright and she could see out of the long windows in the room, but it showed only the top of nameless skyscrapers in an unidentifiable city.   
  
Suddenly, the door at the side creaked open and Chloe craned her neck to see who entered. A stab of familiarity hit her in the stomach as she watched a grey-haired, "suited and booted" man walk towards her. She cowered away as much as she could with the restraints but the man didn't seem fazed at all. "Now, now. You shouldn't be afraid." He said as if talking to a baby.  
  
"You've kidnapped me, and I'm not supposed to be afraid?" She balked and then shrunk away as she wondered about his reaction to her curt comment.  
  
The man smiled slightly, giving Chloe the shivers, "You remind me of your father."  
  
"You say that like it's a bad thing." Chloe accused, completely forgetting her situation.  
  
The man neared her, "We've had more than a few scrapes in the past. He seems to disagree with my methods." And as he spoke, Chloe blanched in realisation of who the man standing in front of her was.  
  
"Senator Kinsey." She said simply and Kinsey nodded, touching the lows bars of the bed gently.  
  
"So you do watch the news then." He laughed, as if to have a joke with her, expecting her to chuckle along with him.  
  
"What do you want with me?" She asked him desperately, racking her brains of something that a Senator would need so badly that he would kidnap a clueless teenager for.  
  
"You're more important than you think you are."  
  
Chloe sighed, "Look, I don't know anything about what my dad does, OK? So there's no point in even asking."  
  
The Senator smiled, and sat on the end of the bed, "I know what your father does."  
  
Her eyes widened, "You do?"  
  
Kinsey nodded, "That's right." He leaned further into Chloe, whispering in her ear and she winced, "He fights aliens." The Senator told her, "Every day." Kinsey pulled away and waited for her reaction.  
  
Chloe laughed, despite her precarious situation. "You do realise we don't live in the X-Files don't you?"  
  
But Senator Kinsey wasn't fazed by Chloe's words, but merely looked as if he expected them, "I think it's time for a quick lesson on intergalactic travel, don't you?"  
  
*  
  
Jack furiously flicked channels, the screen bouncing from one picture to the next. How could he watch TV, how could he do anything when his daughter was missing out there, kidnapped, and he couldn't do anything about it?  
  
Sam kept herself occupied with Ella, trying to make everything as normal and un-stressful for their daughter as possible. Under usual circumstances, Jack would have treasured every second he spent with Ella, a miracle that he never thought he would have two years ago; a baby with the woman that he loved, but every time he looked at Ella, he couldn't help thinking about Chloe and what was happening to her.  
  
"Jack?" He turned round as he heard Sam's soft voice from behind him.  
  
"Hey." He greeted her quietly as she walked round the couch and sat next to him, resting her head onto his shoulders and pulling his arm round her waist. "Ella off to sleep?"  
  
Sam nodded, "Yeah…Cassie said she'd take her out for a walk if we wanted some time alone."  
  
"Right," Jack answered swapping channels again, "She's taking it pretty bad, isn't she?"  
  
"She thinks that it's her fault. That she could have prevented it somehow." Sam told him, "And she misses her like crazy."  
  
"We all do." Jack murmured. There was a loud clatter from the kitchen and Jack looked towards Sam with a quizzical expression. "They're still here then?"  
  
"They think the kidnapper's going to ring up, make a ransom demand or something." Sam replied, "And it wouldn't be very good press if they left the house of a teenager that's been kidnapped for a week."  
  
"They think she's not coming back, don't they?" Jack said soberly.  
  
"Jack, I-"  
  
"I read the papers Sam, even I know someone missing more than 48 hours is unlikely to ever come home." Jack replied bitterly.   
  
"Maybe if it's the NID-" Sam suggested, but Jack cut her off.  
  
"Come on Sam, we both know that there's nothing the NID could want with Chloe." Jack reasoned and Sam pulled away.  
  
"So we're supposed to give up?" Sam shouted, "She's your daughter Jack…"  
  
"I know!" Jack bellowed with equal volume, "And I want her back so much that it hurts, but I'm gonna have to get used to the possibility that she's not going to come back. We both do."  
  
Sam walked away from the couch with a furious expression, "Well excuse me for not giving up so quickly." She walked towards the stairs.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"Upstairs. With Ella. I'd rather be around her than you at the moment." She said curtly and stormed upstairs.  
  
*  
  
Chloe sat dumbstruck as she listened to the Senator reel off information about alien races as though it were a shopping list. Her mind was racing with unanswered questions, but as Kinsey continued his explanation, things started to slip into place;  
  
The frankly miraculous return from the dead of her father only a year and a half ago and the fact he was in full health straight away, the frequent "missions" fighting wars that weren't heard on the TV…and she'd always asked herself why an archaeologist would need to work on a programme about astrophysics. And why her father, an admitted "moron" when it came to science, would be working on Deep Space Radar Telemetry.  
  
"So, these Goa'uld…these parasites…" She said uncomfortably, the word rolling awkwardly off her tongue, "…are what my dad fights?"  
  
"Yes." The Senator replied simply.  
  
"And the Asgard or the "little grey aliens" are the powerful allies that made dad better?" She questioned and Kinsey nodded. "And so all these Tok'Ra are fighting them? Even…Jacob?" She said quietly, not willing to believe that her trusted "grandfather" was one of these aliens.  
  
"That's correct. It saved him from cancer apparently." Kinsey informed her.  
  
"How do you know that they're not like pretending? The Goa'uld to be Tok'Ra I mean." She asked.  
  
"You'd have to ask the SGC about that." He replied. Silence took over the large ward as Chloe struggled to take in all the information. It was dark outside now because of the long history of the alien cultures and wars.  
  
"Why have you told me all of this?" Chloe quizzed, "It's nice to know, but I'm not important…why have you told *me* all of this when half the governments of the world don't know?"  
  
"You think that you're a regular girl, don't you?" Senator Kinsey asked, "Normal like everyone else. But you're not. You're different."  
  
"What?" Chloe rasped, "What do you mean?"  
  
"I'm going to tell you where you came from." Kinsey smiled, and then reached for his mobile phone, pressed a few buttons and spoke harshly into it. "Get in here." Suddenly another person walked in the door armed with files and diagrams. "This is Dr Morgan. He's going to explain this much better than I am."  
  
"Uh…" Dr Morgan started uncomfortably as he reached the end of the bed, "Hi, um, well, basically there's an alien legend dating back thousands of years that there's a planet called Osal in a distant part of the universe. Osal is inhabited by millions of what you could call "energy beings" which feed off the unusual chemicals in the air that surround their planet." Dr Morgan paused, "Legend has it that there was one of these "beings" who was dangerous beyond comprehension, records aren't specific as to what that might mean, it suggests some kind of inadvertent chaos would come about, but whatever they thought the "Osalans" were definitely petrified of this one being."  
  
"And?" She whispered.  
  
"Well, they sent this being away from the planet and ejected it from their atmosphere. This is where our friends the Asgard come into the story. They find this "being" on a direct course for Earth, just about ready to destroy us and the whole universe along with it. They analysed the genetics once they had taken it on board and saw that the Osalan was composed of too much "energy". They removed it from orbit around ten years ago without violating the treaty to protect Earth because the Goa'uld did not know of it's significance." Dr Morgan paused, almost unwilling to divulge the rest of the story.  
  
"Go on." Senator Kinsey said forcefully, scaring both Chloe and the doctor.  
  
"Yes, well, um, they kept the being safe in stasis. Four years later, they meet Colonel Jack O'Neill of Earth, with whom they have an unusual bond of trust and friendship especially Thor. After intense discussion, the Asgard make a decision with what to do with the Osalan being they found so that it wouldn't be discovered by the Goa'uld and used against themselves or Earth. They created a human form and gave it to Colonel O'Neill."  
  
"They made you." Senator Kinsey interrupted harshly, "They forged you to look like him so he would look after you. Protect you as if you were his real daughter. But they couldn't change the fact you're not from Earth. You're the Osalan, Chloe. You're an alien with the potential to destroy the universe."  
  
*  
  
Jack sat on the couch, his mind busy with how the hell he could be alienating his wife at a time like this, when the phone rang.   
  
"Hello?" He said almost mechanically into the receiver.   
  
"Jack? It's General Hammond, " came the reply.  
  
"General? Um, what did you want?" He said, his words not sounding like they were intended.  
  
"You need to come to base, you and Major Carter." He said sternly and the tone of his voice was worrying Jack.  
  
"What for? George are you going to tell me what this is about?" He asked.  
  
General Hammond coughed, "We have a visitor…It's Thor and he has some information on Chloe."  
  
*  
  
Chloe's bottom lip trembled and her eyes began to water, "Why are you doing this?" She pleaded, "I believed you about the Stargate…and-and…the Goa'uld…and even those grey aliens, the Asgard…why are you lying to me about this?"  
  
Senator Kinsey leant forward, "I'm not lying Chloe, and in your heart of hearts, you know I'm not lying too."  
  
"No!" She screamed fiercely. "You're telling me I'm an earth destroying, no, a *universe* destroying blob of energy and I'm just supposed to believe you?!"  
  
"I, uh, I know it must be hard to take in, but we're going to pay a visit to the Asgard." Dr Morgan explained.  
  
"Leave me alone!" Chloe protested, "I want to go home! I want my dad!"  
  
"He's not your father…" Senator Kinsey reminded her, "You don't have a father. And your home is thousands of millions of miles away in a distant part of the universe."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Senator, you can see you're upsetting her-" Dr Morgan started but Kinsey interrupted.  
  
"You need to face facts Chloe. You've always known you were different. Always felt like you weren't a part of the rest of the world." He reasoned, "That's because you're not…you're a powerful being but your abilities haven't been unlocked yet."  
  
"I can't believe you…if you say I was only "born" four years ago, then why do I remember everything?" Chloe challenged him.  
  
"They created the memories. Forged them like they forged you." Kinsey explained, "They made you feel everything that you've felt. They made you love people that you'd only known for a day in reality."  
  
"No." Chloe said, her quiet response sounding pathetic. It wasn't real, it couldn't be. The concept of aliens was fanciful enough, let alone her being one of them herself. Her whole life couldn't have been a carefully orchestrated lie…could it?  
  
*  
  
"This…this can't be…it's-it's… *impossible*." Daniel stuttered in the silent room.  
  
"Quite the contrary Dr Jackson. Everything I tell you is true. It was the High Council's decision, and therefore mine too, that we should take the course of action to bring the being to this Earth under the care of Colonel O'Neill." Thor explained.  
  
"But giving her false memories?" Daniel questioned, "That's highly unethical if not completely cruel."  
  
"To her, the memories are not false, but very much real. We decided to implant her with these memories so that she would be open to less manipulation by the Goa'uld." Thor paused to look at Jack, "O'Neill, you do not look well."  
  
Jack stared into the eyes of the Asgard Supreme Commander sitting in front of him, "How could you do this?"  
  
"O'Neill, we-" Thor began.  
  
"No…I'm sorry, OK? But how could you do this to me? To her? To every single person that she loves and loves her?" Jack protested, his eyes darkening. "Her whole life has been a lie, have you any idea how she must feel?"  
  
"We sent her to you because we trust you implicitly, we knew that you would protect her with your life." He explained, anxious at the reaction he was receiving."We were not expecting for Chloe to ever discover the truth about her origins."  
  
"She's not my daughter…she's an alien from millions of miles away," Jack shouted, "And you never expected her to find out?"  
  
"Jack, I think you need to calm down." General Hammond suggested and he glared at his former commanding officer.  
  
"How could you manipulate everything I've ever felt for her? You *made* me love her." He said quietly.  
  
"Why has Senator Kinsey kidnapped Chloe?" Teal'c asked, trying to diffuse attention away from his friend who was obviously hurting intensely.  
  
"We believe that Senator Kinsey has learnt the truth about Chloe and her origins. The High Council have monitored the situation and have theorised that they are planning to disable her."  
  
"What?" Jack fumed, "Disable her? What does that mean?"  
  
"Oh my God, Kinsey's going to transform her back into the being she was before." Sam answered with tears welling in her eyes. "Unlock the energy."  
  
"That is correct Major Carter. I believe they are going to disable her present form and use her as a "bomb" to kill all the Goa'uld possible in one large attack." Thor replied. "They will be using her for a suicide mission."  
  
*  
  
"You want to use me to kill them all…these Goa'uld?" Chloe asked, her mind still confused, and unable to understand whether what she was told about her existence was true.  
  
"Yes Miss O'Neill." Senator Kinsey replied kindly, knowing that the procedure to disable her form was a voluntary one, and he needed her agreement.  
  
"But won't that mean I'm gonna die?" She asked, the reality hitting home.  
  
"Actually, some of my consultants believe that we can transfer your consciousness to another body." Kinsey explained.  
  
"Uh, actually, Senator, Sir, that's not poss-" Dr Morgan started but was cut off with a fierce glare.  
  
"We'll make sure that you're safe." Kinsey assured and his spirit lifted when he saw a small smile.  
  
"I'll still be able to live with dad when you put my in a new body right?" Chloe questioned, knowing that whatever happened, she'd need to sort things out with the man that she thought was a father.  
  
"Of course." Senator Kinsey lied.  
  
"Um, I suppose, yes, then. I'll do it. I'll save the world." She agreed and Senator Kinsey smiled at her and dragged Dr Morgan outside of the deserted ward with Chloe still restrained on the bed.  
  
"Call your team and have them over here immediately for transportation." Senator Kinsey ordered, but Dr Morgan didn't move.  
  
"Senator, you know as well as I do that there's no way we can transfer her consciousness into another body, and even if we could, she'd never be able to live with Colonel O'Neill again; she'd be cooped up in a lab for the rest of her life." Dr Morgan protested.  
  
"I. Don't. Care." Senator Kinsey replied gruffly. "Now do what I say, or you'll be going along with her!"  
  
*  
  
"The Asgard are expecting us." Senator Kinsey announced as they were beamed to a ship millions of light years away. When they arrived, the room was grey and stark, yet Chloe felt a sense of uneasy familiarity.  
  
"This is an alien ship?" She asked, expecting it to be bigger. The three doctors, including Dr Morgan surrounding her, smiled slightly. To her it seemed boring and plain, but the mechanics were intriguing beyond belief.   
  
"Don't be scared." Senator Kinsey patronised, "You're going to save the world…are you ready?" He asked forcefully.  
  
"Yep. Full of that old Kamikaze spirit." She joked and followed the team into another transporter and another until she was actually getting bored. Finally they walked through an enormous door into a black hall with an enormous echo where she was told to just "wait" by a nervous Dr Morgan and his team.  
  
Suddenly ten grey aliens beamed down from the sky to sit in chairs in front of her and she almost fainted. It was her first sight of aliens and she couldn't help murmuring, "This is wa-ay too much like the X-Files."  
  
Standing in front of the ten beings, she felt like the only person in the world as they stared at her and started to talk in a strange language. She turned around to look for Senator Kinsey but there was no-one behind her at all.  
  
"You are Chloe O'Neill, originating from Osal, daughter of Colonel O'Neill." One of the Asgard said with a perfect vocabulary, and she swallowed nervously as she remembered that she was an alien too.  
  
"Uh, yes, that's me." She replied quietly.  
  
"You have come here to have your current form disabled and to transform back into your original visage and reverse your genetic makeup to become a weapon against the enemies of Earth."  
  
"Against the Goa'uld." She corrected with a hesitant tone.  
  
"And you are sure they would use you only against the Goa'uld?"  
  
"Well, I-"   
  
"And you are prepared to sacrifice your life for a procedure that may not work?" The Asgard asked.  
  
"I don't-"  
  
"You understand that your body and consciousness will die, never to be brought back?"  
  
"Wait!" Chloe shouted, "What did you say?"  
  
"You cannot be transferred into another body. We tried it many times when you were in our care but we never succeeded. We then concluded that it was near impossible." Thor explained.  
  
"He said…Senator Kinsey said…he said that I could go back to Earth. Be with my family again." Chloe said, tears slipping down her cheeks.  
  
"You are going to die." Thor said plainly. "There is no debate. Are you still willing to do this?"  
  
"I want to help. Stop people dying." Chloe said, her mind confusing what she really wanted. She knew that killing Goa'uld was a good thing and that she'd save lives…but she didn't want to die more than anyone else.  
  
"You could do more without dying yourself. You could be a valuable aid to the Stargate programme," Thor proposed. "And there are many who would be grieved to see you partake in this mission."  
  
Suddenly a huddle of people were beamed in front of her and she identified them as her parents, Murray, Daniel, Cassie and Janet. Her face crumpled as she saw the people that she loved, and she looked from the Asgard to her family and back again.  
  
"Please…come home." Jack pleaded and Chloe backed away as he stepped forward.  
  
"I can't. I *have* to do this." She protested.  
  
"Don't leave her. Don't leave Ella without her sister." He said, knowing that her loyalty to her sister was unsurpassed.  
  
"That's not fair." She objected tearfully.  
  
"Just think about her, that's all we ask." Sam pleaded desperately, "Think about all of us."  
  
And suddenly the floodgates opened, and emotions were running free. Chloe broke down, unable to hide her fear and sadness anymore and ran towards Jack, "Take me away from here. Please."  
  
*  
  
"All our reasoning ends in surrender to feeling." Blaise Pascal  
  
*  
  
If you enjoyed this story, read the sequel "A Girl From Mars". Feedback and comments at shirleym_@hotmail.com 


	4. Girl From Mars

Title: Girl From Mars  
  
Author: Anneka O'Carter  
  
Summary: You've always been more complicated than you liked to admit.  
  
Sequel to: Blood Connections in the Stand By Me series. You'll need to read the series to understand what's going on…  
  
A/N: This is probably the last in the series, unless anyone wants me to do anymore, I'm always open to persuasion though *g*…I hope you enjoy it. Song lyrics at the end from Ash.  
  
*  
  
"The more sensitive your are, the more certain you are to be brutalised, develop scabs, never evolve. Never allow yourself to feel anything, because you always feel too much." - Marlon Brando  
  
*  
  
You think that you should look different somehow. That your face should show the sense of disillusionment with the world or the jaded cynicism that you so desperately feel. The scars on your body should display why your mind is so numbed to love, and to empathy. You used to be normal, but now you look at everything as if for the first time with aching indifference. You know none of this matters anymore. None of it.  
  
You yearn for a different consciousness, you know "they" probably could have done it. But you refused to blank the memories, declined to forget what you had learnt; you understand now that you have a strong masochistic streak in you.   
  
Time will not erase these feelings, you sometimes wish that they would, but they never will. Detachment is all that you can now ever hope to feel. Your reflection stares back at you, taunting you with cruel jibes about your insecurities. You can't count the number of times you used to stand in front of the mirror and poke at your unsightly body or how many hours you would spend "preening" in front of the mirror so you could look half-decent. You always failed.  
  
Now as you look into the mirror, you see not a teenager, but an adult with feelings verging on hatred for everyone not like you. Because you know what is out there, what truly matters whilst fellow students debate the merits of dating the quarterback. Oh, you know what life is like. Uncompromisingly ruthless and unapologetic; it will take away everything you know and in its place will be emotionless discontent. You don't care if you live. Dying is preferable, you think with a bitter smile, because in your fours years on Earth you haven't warranted hell. And then maybe you'd be happy, wherever you'd end up.  
  
But knowing your invariably bad luck, maybe not.  
  
You button your trousers and grab your bag; they still make you go to school, hoping that you will be normal. You won't be, you know that for sure. So instead you sit at the back of the class, next to the window, wishing you could be as free as the birds soaring high without a care in the world. Your teachers don't bother you anymore; they know you're more intelligent than everyone in the class…you'll go far with or without their help.  
  
Friends to you are non-existent. Who cares whether you sit with someone during lunch? You certainly don't. You never did before, but now you care even less, if that was possible. Sometimes you see Bonnie Chalmers, the last of your friends to leave you, and she smiles weakly. You stare on ignoring her totally. They've nicknamed you "the ice queen" now. To their horror, you revel in it. You've doodled the nickname on the diary your "father" gave to you in various forms, some with flowers surrounding it and some with blood dripping off the letters eerily. You know he would be shocked if he saw it; with surprising empathy, you hope that he does not.  
  
They think that you are coping, and by God, you wish that you were. You remember being the adoring daughter and the dependable sister to little Ella, and you fling from one extreme to another; wishing to forget everything that's happened, praying to never remember, and then to wanting to remain in your comfortable cynicism.   
  
You've always been more complicated than you liked to admit.  
  
*  
  
Jack could feel Chloe's eyes on him; he'd learnt that since she was younger, just after Charlie died and he could feel her piercing stare that she had even at eight years old, boring into his back as he contemplated death. He'd begun to recognise the eerie feeling; even as a specially trained soldier, he never thought he'd have to use it in the home with his teenage daughter.  
  
Sam was sitting on the veranda behind him with Ella who was giggling about something. He had an urge to sit with them, but he was drawn to just staring over the view from the back yard he'd tamed earlier in the day. And that was when he felt Chloe staring at him, most likely from her bedroom where she spent most of her time since her kidnapping…and everything else that went along with that.  
  
He knew she felt different now, as if she hadn't before. Sam had tried to convince her to go to the park with them yesterday, all of SG-1 plus the Fraisers, but she declined the offer, deciding instead to play music instead. During one of his numerous insomniac periods, he left Sam and her sleep-talking to get a drink and when he passed her room, he heard her cry. He'd always touch the door, but never able to summon the courage to walk in and tell her it was alright. He'd never been good with emotions; he thought Sam had softened him but when it came to Chloe, all he could think of was how he let her down with Charlie and the disappointment that he knew she felt towards him.  
  
Suddenly Jack felt a warm hand on his shoulder and his tense body instantly relaxed as he felt the hand massage his arm. He turned round with a satisfied half-smile, not wanting to hide his obvious sadness from her, "Ella OK?" He asked wondering whether Sam thought he was a bad father by almost ignoring his young daughter.  
  
"She's currently absorbing herself with her toes." Sam joked pulling him round with her to face the view Jack had just been looking at with his arms round her waist. "But you on the other hand, are feeling a lot less enthused."  
  
Jack sighed, "I'm sorry Sam. I really am." He tried to apologise, but felt lacking. "Everything with Chloe seems to be shaking me up."  
  
Sam stroked the hand currently circling her belly, "I know. And you need to try and work out whatever you two are going to do…she's your daughter, whatever planet she's from." She told him, "And whatever happens, I'll always be here. Always. You and the kids are my life, you're everything to me. I'll always be here."  
  
Jack felt light-headed at her words, remembering a time when he thought being like this with none other than Samantha Carter was an impossible fantasy. And here she was with him, standing by him without a second thought, accepting his daughter like her own, and caring for Ella with such devotion. Words couldn't express what he felt for her, there were no words that could ever describe how much he loved the wonderful woman in his arms. And for everything she'd done for him and his daughter, he would always be by *her* side, whenever *she* needed *him*.  
  
*  
  
You sit on the couch whilst he paces up and down the living room, waiting to go to the school. You told him he didn't need to go, that you most of the teachers neither knew, or cared who you were, but he insisted. Like always. And so now you finger the cigarettes in your coat pocket, just waiting for the interval so you can go outside for a smoke. It's not because you want to look cool, it's because you can't bear to stand around inside, pretending like the teachers' half baked opinions of you matter.  
  
Sam finally comes down ten minutes later and he drags you away from the television and you glare at him, "There's no point in even going."  
  
He frowns at you as Sam gets the keys, "Look, I don't know what is with you and this attitude that you have going, but grow up Chloe, alright?" He says firmly and you roll your eyes as he turns his back on you to walk out the door…he understands you even less now.  
  
The school is buzzing with peppy students and their "normal" families desperate to seek teacher's approval. If you didn't know yourself better, you would have been categorised as a "rebel" except that means some form of socialising…and you know how much you hate that.  
  
The assembly and following appointments with various nondescript teachers is as boring as you'd expect. They sit talking to Miss Elbison and you look out the window, watching the stars and wondering if one of them is your home planet.  
  
Before you know it, the interval is upon you and you breathe a sigh of relief. You almost sprint out the door towards the school railings where smoking is permitted by senior students, the school faculty finally realising they couldn't ban it outright. Sam and your "father" move across the green lawn in front of the school, casually talking to other parents and you sigh. Oh, to be so untroubled.  
  
Your focus drifts for a few minutes; your mind wanders a lot these days, even more than before. But you can't help hearing the bitchy girls on the other side of the railings commenting harshly on the parents standing at the other end of the lawn. One of them, a girl called Marcie Lorne you recognise from the short time you were on the swim team, is unkindly trying to judge which of the fathers she would choose to screw.  
  
"How about that one?" Jenny Roberts asked, gesturing with her head. You try not to look too obvious because if they realised that you were eavesdropping, well, they'd hate you more than they already do. You hate Jenny Roberts with equal measure as she feel towards you so you wonder why you're even bothered.  
  
Suddenly you hear a small cackle from Marcie, and you realise she really does sound like a haggard old witch, the smoke clogging her throat and instantly turning her into a fifty year old. You know that thought should make you stub out your cigarette but hey, you're only four years old really, you've got a long while yet. "I would do him any time," She says with a faux-Bronx accent that almost makes you burst out with laughter. "I bet that woman of his is a tight assed bitch…probably be glad to get rid of her!"  
  
You look over to where they're glancing and you see your "parents" standing together, smiling about some shared joke that you wouldn't understand. You're horrified; to be honest, in your current mood, you know that you really shouldn't be, but you are. Because as much as you think he's not your dad anymore, you've got a lifetime of memories, falsely created or not, and they don't disappear as easily as you'd hoped.   
  
And now you make a choice, do you stand around and listen to this crap, letting some nameless girls insult a woman who has helped you more than you can imagine? Or do you pick a fight, and show them that not everyone will bow down to them?  
  
There was really no question at all.  
  
"Why don't you shut up for once Marcie?" You ask quietly from the other side of the railings, blowing some smoke out of your mouth. She turns round slowly to face you, as if to make you scared. After everything you've seen, she is nothing in comparison.  
  
"What did you say O'Neill?" She asks as her and her friends look you up and down with disdain.  
  
"I said why don't you keep that mouth of yours shut for once? You don't even know those people." You reply quietly and calmly, desperate to not release your raging temper.  
  
"And?" She replies, "You do know them, then?"  
  
"Yes." You reply after a pause, you're determined not to let her win this game.  
  
"Yeah, right (!)" Marcie turns to her sniggering friends, "Don't tell me you actually have parents? I thought freak babies like you were left at the side of the road…"  
  
"They're *my* mom and dad," You reply in the tense moment gesturing towards the pair, knowing that she is not going to take that well.  
  
"No way!" Marcie laughs unkindly, "I never woulda guessed your dad would be so hot. For an old guy." She whispers her face coming closer to yours and you wish you had the gall to hit her round that face of hers. God only knows that she deserves it…  
  
"Marcie, you're only insult is that he's old, that does happen to everyone…you're really not the bitchy cheerleader I thought you were," You reply with a self satisfied grin. This is more fun than you thought it would be.  
  
"At least I'm not a freak like you O'Neill…and my dad isn't paying someone to pretend that she's his girlfriend," Marcie nears you even more now but you're desperate to not let the humiliation of what she's saying show…you are of course "ice queen" Chloe.  
  
"You have no idea what you're talking about," You reply walking round the railings to stand in front of Marcie Lorne and her amazingly superficial friends.  
  
"Like the reputation of your stupid family matters to me." Marcie says, her voice grating heavily in your mind. "I can say whatever I like and to whoever I like."  
  
"Not any more. Not to me." You say, the tone of your voice promising retribution that words cannot portray. "If you ever say another *word* about my dad again, and I will make sure you live to regret it."  
  
You turn away to see Sam and your father standing there looking at you with a mixture of disappointment and confusion and Marcie huffs derisively behind you, "Hey, is that a threat O'Neill?"  
  
You turn around; your confrontation with Marcie more important right now, and walk towards her. "You know what, you're right Marcie…it's not a threat, it's a goddamn promise."  
  
*  
  
"I can't believe you behaved like that," He reprimands you as you sit on the couch determined not to look at him. You're right. You knew you were. It would obviously take him longer to appreciate what you've done. "You embarrassed Sam and I and you threatened a classmate."  
  
"And? So? But? Therefore?" You reply in his usual obnoxious fashion which almost gains a smile from him.   
  
"And the only way that you've not been expelled is that you're grades are second to none; you're the best in the school with your grade point average and that saved your butt tonight." He tells you but to be honest, you're not listening. You're thinking about what you said. What you *actually* said. And it thrills you beyond belief. "What the hell are you smirking at?"  
  
"Nothing." You reply innocently but your face betrays you; it's always been more expressive than you wanted it to be.  
  
"Come on Chloe, I know you well enough to know something's amusing you. Care to share?" He sits down next to you, legs aching from the hour of pacing up and down the living room berating you for your actions at the school.  
  
You turn to face him, able to look at him without feeling amazingly depressed and unhappy about everything that has happened, "I think I've had an epiphany." You say simply, smiling.  
  
"A what?" He replies. You know that he understands your words, but maybe he wants to make sure you understand too.  
  
"An epiphany, y'know…major revelation, discovery, blah, blah." You elaborate needlessly.  
  
"And what discovery would that be?" He asks.  
  
You take a deep breath, knowing that this moment is one to be savoured. "I called you dad."  
  
He looks taken aback. He was surprised by your attitude tonight changing to be more friendly, but this came out of the blue. "You did?"  
  
"When I was thr-…I mean, *warning* Marcie, I called you dad." You reply with a smile that could split your face in two. "I haven't said that for a long time."  
  
"I've wanted to hear it from you for a long time." He replies instantly before pausing as if to gain the courage to say what he wants to, "Chloe, I know everything has been hard for you…but I have to ask you a question."  
  
You know what he's going to ask. A long time ago, almost in another lifetime, Sam warned you that this was coming some day, that he wouldn't forget as easily as you'd hoped he would; he has a longer memory than he professes. And today, it happens.  
  
"I know," You reply and his face freezes in anticipation but for once, you are speechless. In reality, there is no way to approach this conversation in the way that you'd hoped. There is no conceivable way of breaking it to him "gently". You breathe deeply, and suddenly you feel like the old Chloe O'Neill; gauche and shy, not able to speak coherently under pressure.   
  
"When Charlie died…" You start and his expression pales; you don't want to go down this path, but you know it is the only way to explain your actions, "…when he died, it felt like a huge chunk of me had died with him, and I knew I was never going to get that back. Ever. And then when mom passed away…" You eyes start to tear despite trying to hold them in, and now suddenly you're grieving for them all over again, "…it hurt to breathe, it was like a sharp pain inside of my heart and I couldn't forget no matter how hard I tried."  
  
He moves closer to you on the couch and his arm goes round your shuddering shoulders to comfort you, "Shh, it's OK," He reassures you, taking you back to when you were 10 and your mother had died.  
  
"When I moved here, you made it better. I didn't hurt so much anymore, and I could smile and laugh," She explained, reverting back to her childhood language, "You kept me alive Dad. Having you around helped me more than you know. And your friends, they became my family in a matter of months," You explain, finding it difficult to find the words for your complex emotions at such a tender age. "When….when we thought you died in action, it was like I was ten all over again, and I realised my family was gone."  
  
His hands tighten on your shoulder, feeling the pain as harshly as you. You forget now as you see him with Sam and Ella and how happy he is, that years ago, he was like you. Desperate and ultimately suicidal.  
  
You almost clam up as you realise that you need to tell him what he wants to know, maybe he'll understand you, understand the pain and despondency that you felt on that sunny morning as you planned your actions driving to school. "Dad, I ran out of school one day after you were declared MIA, and I drove to the West Ridge Forest bridge…" You pause to take a look at his face but his expression is totally neutral, "And I climbed over the railings, and I was going to jump."  
  
"Chloe…" He says simply, guessing the rest of the story that you want to tell. You've told him numerous times how Sam "saved" you and he can assume what you have not spoken.  
  
"I'm so sorry," You say, tears falling freely as you turn to look at him, "Please, don't hate me."  
  
He shakes his head, and pulls you closer and you relax in his arms, finding peace, "You're my daughter Zo," He tells you, and you realise how much you've missed hearing him say that to you, "Nothing you could ever say to me would change the fact that I love you. Nothing you could do would make me love you any less, because you are my world."  
  
You've never considered yourself "soppy" or "sentimental" but even you can't help crying at your father's gentle words, despite knowing that you are no more his daughter than a kid on the other side of the world; in fact it would be more likely that that child would be his than you.   
  
Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Sam standing at the threshold of the door. You're not sure whether she's crying too, but you wouldn't be surprised; ever since you watched ET together, you knew that she wasn't the tough soldier she made out to be.  
  
And you don't care that you can almost feel rivers flooding down your cheeks. You have a family again. And that's the most wonderful feeling in the world.  
  
*  
  
"Yeah, I still love you the girl from Mars."  
  
*  
  
Feedback appreciated. Sequel could be in the pipeline. Thanks for reading =) 


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